but if you kiss me now, i know you'd fool me again

The message was ineloquent, simple, shockingly to-the-point, as Glass Sorakot’s text messages often were. The woman took a simple joy in the blunt, the understated becoming overstated, in the simple truth. She rarely took the time to spell out anything that wasn’t strictly necessary for communication. Perhaps, she did it to save time. Why waste what precious minutes one had on platitudes and niceties when one could be spending it doing anything else?

The message Ryu received, which was actually an email due to Glass’s distaste for anything with a touch-screen interface, sent at precisely 4:31 am JST, was thus:

‘Come take me ice skating :P’

And that was all. A simple request, from a woman on the other side of the globe. There were other women in Ryu’s life. Ones that it would cost less to get to, and who would surely be just as glad to go on an ice-skating date with her.

But Glass was different, for the simple fact that Ryu found it exceedingly difficult to say no to her.

Was it that she was dying? That was the simplest explanation. Terminal illness elicited a certain sympathy in even the most cold-hearted, closed off of people. Do anything for the dying girl, give her anything she wishes- because who knows how much time she has left to enjoy the nice things in life. Glass was a lovely person in her own right, yes- spirited and confident and personable. If things had been better for her, surely there would’ve been something better, someone better for her. Ryu was not such a fool to call what she shared with Glass love- because love, it was not- but there was an affection there. A quiet, understated understanding.

There was something enough for Ryu to book a flight to Houston all in the name of taking one woman ice skating for an afternoon.

❄❄❄

“I don’t know why you stay here.” Ryu said, both playfully and inquisitively, as she and Glass entered the mall that housed the skating rink Glass favored most. Any skateable ice in Houston, even in December, was in a rink, and any rink was inevitably in a shopping mall. Houston was a merciless, unabashed pinnacle of American consumer capitalism- of freeways and shopping malls and parking lots so big you had to take a bus to get across them. It was everything Glass said she despised, and yet she stayed.

“I’ve got friends here,” Glass shrugged, in reference to the punk band she still played with. She slipped easily and effortlessly through the revolving doors with an enviable carelessness. She did not pay mind to the security guards or mall patrons that eyed her up and down, trying to figure out what, exactly, she was. “And call it trite, but the soft creature within me would like to die in its home.”

Giving Ryu no time to process what she had just said, the weight of such a heavy statement let out so carelessly, Glass tossed her head back and let out a whooping, “Hah! Me, soft, can you imagine?”

Ryu could imagine. He had seen Glass soft, in more ways than one. Only once, though, had he seen her in flesh and blood, completely vulnerable. Completely real, in a way she was not now.

And, of course, all that was long gone now.

That was not to say Glass was not beautiful as she was. She had a certain, delicate beauty to her- like a stained-glass window (if Ryu verbalized that, Glass would call it an obvious cliche) or a dying rose (yet another obvious cliche). She was waifish and long, with a pretty heart-shaped face and a bright, lopsided smile. When she shook or tilted or moved her head, her hair made a soft, delicate clink-clink-clinking noise, and when she stood near a light, it refracted within her like-

“You’re staring,” Glass looked up at Ryu with a smirk.

“Am I?” Ryu lifted an eyebrow. He had been. But he could play it off. “You’re the only thing here that’s caught my eye.”

“Really?” Glass laughed. “The overpriced Prada perfumes not doing it for you?”

Ryu spared a glance to the bougie, upper-class shops around them. The floors were gleaming tile, the storefronts lit in pleasant, warm-gold light that showed off every over-expensive gift displayed in the windows. The air was perfumed with a subtle, vanilla scent, and jazzy but still obnoxious Christmas music played over hidden speakers throughout the mall. Glass looked out of place within it- but she didn’t seem to mind the way she stuck out like a sore thumb. She never had.

“Never been the perfume type myself,” Ryu chuckled. “I’d like to think I have an appealing natural musk.”

Glass laughed- whole-heartedly, as she so often did, “Yeah, you’re lucky I don’t have the olfactory capabilities to smell the tobacco on you.”

They were words of affection. It always came down to that- a sense of affection. Ryu knew getting attached to Glass was, for any number of reasons, a horrible idea. But it was hard to swallow that reality, when faced with the equal truth that Glass’s words, her actions, her presentation of herself- were rooted in her affection, for Ryu. That made things... difficult.

“Come on, let’s get to the rink,” Glass clung on to Ryu’s arm, and dragged her along before she could voice any complaint about it.

Not that he ever would. Ryu thought, slightly chuckling.

“What are you laughing about?” Glass asked.

Ryu’s deflection came naturally. “Ah... nothing.”

❄❄❄

It was fifty dollars for two tickets to skate for three hours- a price Ryu had no issue forking over, especially after catching a glimpse of Glass’s sad, puppy-dog, dichromatic gaze. This was a game between them- a game that somehow always ended with Ryu spending whatever it would take to put a smile on Glass’s face. The woman at the counter, who had not spared them more than a cursory glance, wished them a simple, “Have a nice time, lovebirds,” and they were on their way.

“Have you ever ice-skated before?” Glass asked as she shrugged off her (unnecessary, due to both the lack of Texan winter weather and her inability to feel cold) winter jacket, stuffing it into the locker they had rented. Beneath it, she was wearing a short, tastefully cut dress of a velvety maroon, which Ryu spared more than a singular glance over. When Glass noticed his gaze, she struck an exaggerated, flirty pose, with her hands on her hips.

“You look nice.” Ryu chuckled. “As for your question... yeah, I’ve done it once or twice. Don’t have to worry about me falling over on you.”

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and Ryu briefly paused lacing up his skates. He pulled his phone out from his pocket, and was dismayed to find it was only Roman Ricci, who had found him after yet another number change, and sent a long message consisting of nothing but the word ‘PLEASE’, repeated so many times the message interface did not display all of it. Ryu let out a gravelly sigh, and put his phone back in his pocket, leaving the message on ‘read’.

“Who was that?” Glass asked.

“No one worth replying to.” Ryu chuckled, and pulled herself up to her feet. She had to wave out her arms in a clumsy, juvenile movement to keep herself from falling on the unbalanced skating blades, but Glass only laughed and steadied her with a hand, clinging to her like they two might fall into a waltz at a moment’s notice.

“Come on, you big dork,” Glass laughed, “We aren’t getting any younger!”

I’m a big dork now, huh? Ryu thought idly, but followed Glass’s lead nonetheless.

❄❄❄

Glass moved on the ice with an enviable elegance, like she was born to move only over frozen water, instead of on the harsh, rocky earth. While Ryu managed to go in a straight line, and was quite confident in her ability to do so without tripping or falling, she couldn’t help but be impressed, and almost a little jealous, of the way Glass glided across the ice, doing figure-eights and twirls around Ryu.

The light caught on her crystalline form as she moved, dancing and dazzling and sparkling with and within her. She twirled around Ryu like a snowflake given human form, and spun to face her, skating backwards as she did.

“You’re pretty good at this, huh?” Ryu lifted an eyebrow. He held his hands neatly behind his back as he glided over the ice, not breaking eye contact with Glass. She didn’t either- and she was the one going backwards. Ryu always did like a girl with confidence.

“I guess I can add this to my long list of skills,” Glass sighed, playfully and satisfied. She glanced behind her for only a moment. “My mom used to take me here, when I was really little.”

Glass’s mother had died when she was young. It was a subject Ryu, despite how curious he was about the subject, knew better than to bring up.

“Guess you can.” Ryu smirked, and then, daringly- “Takes a lot of courage to be so unafraid of falling.”

Glass threw her head back up and laughed, heartily. “I’m not afraid of anything.”

And then, in a swift, complete motion, she turned and spun and moved to Ryu’s side, clinging to her arm. “And besides, that’s what I have you around for. Always there to pick me up, huh, tough guy?”

Ryu kept her gaze low, but smiled. “That’s my job.”

❄❄❄

The night was chill and thin by the time Ryu and Glass left the skating rink. It was not truly cold, but crisp in a way that stung at the skin and fogged the breath. Ryu was worn from the date’s activities, but in a pleasing, satisfied way. He would take Glass home on his bike and spend the night with her, and be gone in the morning. It was all part of their plan. This was never supposed to be a very long visit.

But first, Ryu had to take a smoke.

Glass lingered by as Ryu lit a cigarette, and watched, idly, as she exhaled thin clouds of smoke into the dark night air. She said nothing, and her expression betrayed nothing, but Ryu knew she truly didn’t care. If Glass was anyone, she was not a woman who suffered things she was not okay with.

Glass was done up in her winter clothes again, though no less beautiful for it, and her gaze was distant. She looked up to the light-polluted sky with a melancholic gratitude. As if this was the last good moment she could ever savor.

“Are you doing alright?” She dared. There was often something very sad about Glass, that was very easy to miss.

“Thanks for taking me out.” Glass hummed. “I could’ve gone on my own, but it’s nicer to have someone with you, y’know?”

A pause.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, honestly.”

Ryu considered for a moment. “Of course. You’re worth it.”

“You say that to all the girls, don’t you?” Glass laughed. Her heart- as calcified and crystalized as it was- was not in it.

Silence filled the space between them once again. Ryu looked up into the night air, breathing it in for the both of them. Beyond, Ryu could hear the grueling sounds of traffic, and even the shouts and laughter of drunken reverie and arguments. Somewhere, a horrible version of a Christmas classic played over a dying speaker. The air smelt of tobacco and gasoline and concrete. It was a night like any other, really. If it hadn’t been for, well, them.

Silence remained between them, for a very long time.

“It’s going to be the last time.” Glass said, out of the blue. When Ryu did not reply immediately, she continued, “Well, I- I think it is. For me. The last time I can skate.”

Ryu looked to Glass, to indicate she was listening, but let her continue.

“I can feel my body failing. My joints- they aren’t able to move like they used to. Every day it gets worse.” Glass wrapped her arms around her porcelain-frail body. “And- I’m getting to a point where I really can’t risk a fall anymore. I can feel the end coming. I won’t make it another winter- and if I do, I won’t be in any state to enjoy it. It’s coming up on me.”

Glass made the motion of exhaling, even if there was nothing to empty her glass-bowl lungs of. “It’s not goodbye yet. But it will be, soon.”

She looked to Ryu, with a certain, pleading, sadness. And what was Ryu supposed to say to that? Once, Glass had a chance to live. But it was gone now. And now she was back- back to the fate that had been sealed the moment she had been born. Ryu couldn’t do anything about that- but she couldn’t stop caring about it, either. He wasn’t supposed to let himself care about it. Both of them knew that attachment was a bad thing in their relationship-

- but Glass could let herself get attached, of course. She wasn’t the one who had to reap the consequences when she was gone.

Ryu considered, for a long and silent moment, what to say next. “Did you have a nice evening?”

“I- I did, really. I’m being honest when I say that.” As if Glass wasn’t true and honest about everything.

“Then, I’m glad I could give you a nice time. Even if it was the last.”

Ryu and Glass faced each other, wholly, in the light of the streetlamp. If life was anything romantic, it would’ve been moonlight. It would’ve been snowing. They would’ve been actual partners, and there would’ve been a way to fix Glass.

They looked at each other, and Glass was beautiful, and Ryu’s gaze lingered on the simple prettiness of her face. Glass’s eyes never left Ryu’s. Her chest rose and fell in mimicry of breath, and her face contorted with emotion barely kept.

If life had been anything romantic, they would’ve kissed.

But, they didn’t. Glass turned away first. Ryu would not push her to do something she did not wish to do.

“Let’s get you home.” He said, simply, and Glass followed.

The bounce in her step, if falsified only, returned as she walked. “Might as well make it a last Christmas to remember.”