to have and to hold

They were married in a grand old chapel by the edge of the woods- that had been Albanes’s idea- filled near to the brim with floral and fabric decorations- also Albanes’s idea. They were to be married in the morning- with a reception later in the day that neither of them were looking forward to all too much but which Persis had insisted upon (and neither of them were all too intent on disappointing Persis).

Maddy walked through the chapel alone, after the final decorations had been set up but before any guests had arrived. Albanes was elsewhere, probably getting dressed or her hair done or something of the like. Maddy’s own outfit was simpler- a green suit jacket and matching slacks, with a button-up shirt in a creamy pastel green beneath. She wore her tie loose and, well, untied, because she didn’t want to mess with that just yet. Persis had helped her fix her hair just earlier, and placed an oleander behind her ear and another in the breast pocket of her jacket. That was all done a while ago, and Albanes was still getting stitched into her embroidered corset or having her long hair braided and curled or putting in her mother’s pearl earrings. And it wasn’t time for the wedding yet, so Maddy lingered in the chapel while she waited.

She kept her hands clasped awkwardly behind her back as she perused the decorations- oleanders for her and chrysanthemums for Albanes, wild greens for freedom and bluebonnets for prosperity and daisies for a happy marriage- all courtesy of Persis, of course (it wasn’t enough that he was officiating the ceremony- he had insisted on providing decorations for his only daughter’s wedding). Maddy didn’t dare let her hand brush up against a single petal- with all the nervous energy in her body, it’d be a miracle they didn’t wither into rotten sludge at the slightest touch.

And truthfully, the flowers were of her least concern right now. Because later that morning, she’d have to hold Albanes.

Most of this wedding was Albanes’s idea. It was not that Maddy did not want to get married- that was the furthest thing from the truth. She wanted a life with Albanes, a life they could share together. But Albanes was the one who cared deeply about the rites and rituals and the meaning of marriage. It was Albanes who focused on the most minute details, Albanes who wanted a ceremony despite their family being as it was, Albanes who had brought with her a trove of Loucari wedding traditions that Maddy, even without having to look at her fiancée’s pleading expression, could not in good consciousness say no to.

And one of those traditions was handbinding. At some point in the long wedding-planning process Albanes had sat Maddy down with a binder she’d assembled full of descriptions and photo references she’d wanted to include in their ceremony. Floral decorations, a quick prayer (Personally, Maddy didn’t understand why Albanes would want to pray to the Lifebringer for blessings over their marriage when the Lifebringer was no good to either of them, and they had solved all that Lifebringer business years ago anyways, but the sad look in Albanes’s eyes told Maddy it was a subject best not pushed), and handbinding. “The couple joins hands, and a braided cord is wrapped around the hands where they meet, binding us both together,” Albanes had explained. It symbolized unity, mutual respect, love, a lifelong commitment- and it clearly meant the world to Albanes. Though Albanes had offered to skip that tradition, Maddy knew she could not.

And yet, if Maddy was this nervous about damaging flowers, her pit of nerves about hurting Albanes were as deep as a well. Or the sea. Or a cave system, like the ones caecilians lived in. Images flashed through her minds as quick as memories- the both of them standing at the altar, their hands touch, and Albanes’s skin sloughed off into dark, oozing mush.

It would be worse than if Maddy ran out of the chapel now and hid in the boggy forest for the rest of the day.

But she had to go through with it. She had to somehow- somehow- muster courage enough to stand at the altar and repeat the vows, to take Albanes’s hand in her own and proclaim her the only love of her life.

She wouldn’t be able to face herself if she didn’t.

♡ ♡ ♡

“Albanes, you’re going to unravel your braid!” Aarni eased his best friend’s hands away from where the nervously worked her hair, stifling an awkward laugh. Wedding nerves had hit Albanes hard, and now, the morning before, she was an anxious wreck. Though he knew next to nothing about braiding hair on humans (he was quite experienced braiding horse manes!), he knew his presence helping Albanes was more for emotional support than hairstyling expertise.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Albanes sighed heavily, and let Aarni ease her hands away. “I don’t want to undo all your hard work. I’m just- so nervous. I should be happy, the day is finally here, but-”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Aarni sat down next to his best friend. Truthfully, he had been honored when Albanes had asked him to be her best man, and since that moment he had taken it upon himself to not only take care of his wedding duties, but to take care of his friend. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe that will help it seem like less of a big deal.”

Albanes sighed, and leaned back on the couch. She pressed her hands to her temple, brushing away her bangs. “It’s just so much… all at once.” She sighed.

“I think it’s normal to be nervous before a wedding,” Aarni offered. “It’s a big change in your life, and you’ve had a lot to do leading up to it.”

“I guess you’re right…” Albanes leaned her head on Aarni’s shoulder. “I’m worried about Maddy. I haven’t seen her since breakfast this morning… and I don’t know where she is now.”

“Do you want me to go find her?” Aarni offered, but didn’t yet get up. “I think she’s in the main chapel room still.”

“No, no- I don’t want to bother her…” Albanes trailed off. “I guess… I’m worried that she doesn’t actually want to go through with any of this. That she only agreed for my sake. That’s stupid of me, isn’t it? But I’m just so nervous that I’m dragging her into something she doesn’t actually want.”

Marriage was important to Albanes- desperately important. Tradition was important to her. She had so little left of her home, she held on to what traditions she had and what prayers she remembered like a life raft, like letting go would mean oblivion. Because it would. If Albanes lost her culture, she would lose a fundamental part of herself. But she was not going into this marriage on her own- she had to consider what Maddy wanted, what Maddy needed. If Maddy didn’t want to go through with anything, she would let it go. Staying with Maddy was more important. But Maddy hadn’t said no to anything- just offered a quiet, reluctant hesitance like she was afraid of making Albanes feel bad. The hesitance made Albanes feel worse.

Aarni put his hand on Albanes’s- not only to still her nervous movement, but to reassure her. “I don’t think you could make Maddy do something she doesn’t want to do.” He laughed gently. “She loves you, Albanes. She wants to make you happy.”

Finally, a smile graced Albanes’s worried face. “You’re right. Honestly, I couldn’t force Maddy into doing something she didn’t want if I tried. We’re already so happy… I don’t see how this could possibly change that. We love each other, and in the end, that’s really all that matters. ”

♡ ♡ ♡

After everyone had entered the chapel and the wedding procession had been completed, after the music had concluded, Albanes and Madelyn stood before Persis, shoulder-to-shoulder, and beheld each other.

Both were nervous- that was very clear in their gazes, their expressions, the ways in which they held themselves. Both knew each other so well, they could tell precisely how nervous the other, in ways imperceptible to others, without need for words. Only Albanes would notice the clenching and unclenching of Maddy’s hands as they sat neatly held in front of her. Only Maddy would see the crease in Albanes’s brow and the wariness of her smile and know exactly what it meant.

“Hi,” Albanes mouthed to Maddy, a secret exchange only for the two of them.

“Hey,” Maddy replied, hoping her nervousness wasn’t overly apparent in the silent word. She glanced to Persis (whom they had asked to officiate, and who had agreed with enthusiasm before Maddy could even finish asking the question) for support, and Persis interpreted that as a good-enough go-ahead as any to formally begin the ceremony.

Placing a hand one hand each on Albanes and Maddy’s shoulders and faced the crowd. It was a small enough number of guests to not fully fill out the chapel pews, but still more than Albanes and Maddy had initially planned (or in Maddy’s case, wanted there).

“Good morning, everyone,” Persis beamed his signature, inviting smile. “We are all gathered here today to celebrate the love of two young women I love dearly, Madelyn Mantella and Albanes Shairoun. Though I haven’t known them for their entire lives, I have known young Maddy and young Albanes for their entire lives, I have known them both for as long as they have known each other.”

Even hearing Persis’s words began to soothe Albanes’s nerves. Even on their wedding day, they were ‘young Maddy’ and ‘young Albanes’. It reminded Albanes of what it was to have a family, what it was to have those that cared about her again. With Maddy, she wouldn’t be alone any more.

“Though one might not guess by looking at them,” Persis continued, “Albanes and Maddy make one of the happiest couples I have seen. They make each other happy, they help each other grow, and they work perfectly together. I wish them the very best in this new, exciting chapter of their lives.”

Persis turned from the crowd, back to Albanes and Maddy. He turned briefly around to the altar behind him- decorated in one of the most extravagant floral displays Albanes or Maddy had ever seen in their lives- and retrieved the braided cord that would be used in the handfasting ceremony. In accordance with Loucari tradition, it had been crafted by as many of the couple’s family members and loved ones as could feasibly make a cord.

“Your hand, young Albanes?” Persis asked, and Albanes extended out her right hand, palm up. If she was at all nervous, she didn’t show it anymore. She kept her brown-eyed gaze on Maddy, and smiled.

Then, Persis turned to Maddy, “Your hand, young Maddy?”

Maddy took in a breath, and shakily extended her right hand, just like she had at the rehearsal. But at the rehearsal, she’d been wearing her gloves! As carefully and delicately as she could, Maddy rested her hand on top of Albanes’s, palm downward, trying to minimize both the amount of skin-on-skin contact and time duration they would be touching. The less time, the less risk. The less risk, the better. Maddy fought her urges and instinctual reactions that the solution to her nervousness was to fight or melt something. Actually the opposite this time, Melinoe. Thanks.

Persis draped the cord over their (barely) joined hands, and now it was their turn. Thankfully, Albanes went first- Maddy was so focused on reigning in her powers, she didn’t think she’d be able to get through her vows without stammering, or worse.

Albanes picked up her end of the cord- in a traditional ceremony, if they were a more normal couple, the cord would’ve been woven by her family and embellished with symbols unique to their history, the history she was carrying into this new marriage. But Albanes’s birth family was long gone now, and her and Maddy’s group of loved ones overlapped more than the typical Loucari family. Still, it was beautiful- decorated in embroidered chrysanthemums and sunbeam patterns like her knight crest. Symbols of the new life she had here in Laputa, the new life she would have with Maddy. She wrapped it around her forearm, and spoke the vows she had, by now, committed to heart.

“Maddy, I know we’ve had our fair share of troubles- and probably more than that, but I want you to know how lucky I feel to have you in my life. I want to keep having you in my life, to the very end of it. I vow to stay by your side forever, to always be loyal, in sickness and health, in good times and bad times, till the day we die. I vow to be loyal, faithful and true. I love you, Maddy, and I always will. Ael saeyrna maelin. Til we’re the same dust.”

Now, it was Maddy’s turn. Just as carefully as she had touched Albanes’s hand, she lifted her end of the cord (embroidered lovingly with frogs and oleanders, mostly by Persis), and wrapped it around arm, binding them together. Her hand was shaking- or did she just notice that because she was so nervous. Very carefully, she held Albanes’s hand more fully. She practiced as much restraint as she could muster.

“This sort of thing isn’t something I’m used to,” Maddy began her vows, speaking quietly, just for Albanes. This wasn’t something she wanted the world to hear. “But you make it all more comfortable. You make me want to endure it, Albanes.” Was it getting easier as she said it? She kept her gaze not on Albanes’s gaze, but on their linked hands- willing her awful predictions not to come true. “You make me want to be better. I vow to never leave you, to always stay with you no matter what happens. Forever.” A shaky breath, and sounded out the unfamiliar Loucari words that completed the ceremony. “Ael mueiyde alphaere. Until we rest forever.”

Persis pressed his hands together warmly, and smiled. “I now pronounce Albanes Shairoun and Madelyn Mantella to be married!”

Before Maddy could even realize she had gotten through it all without messing up, Albanes pulled her hand free of the cord- was she allowed to do that? Albanes was the only authority on Loucari wedding tradition in Laputa, so Maddy didn’t know- and placed a hand on Maddy’s cheek, pulling her into the briefest of kisses.

Maddy was so happy, she forgot to be nervous at all. The crowd of guests cheered, and she didn’t hear them.

♡ ♡ ♡