d is for...

It was a pleasant, quiet day in the library. Outside it was rainy, but not overly humid- a nice, slightly chilly and crisp kind of rainy day. It had only started raining when he had gotten inside (perfect), he hadn't had to wait long for his cappucino (perfect), and he was left to quietly work at his desk, listening to the rain patter on the window and the hushed chit-chat of the library (perfect, perfect, perfect).

Things became less than perfect when he spotted Peregrine walking in.

Even sopping wet, walking in from the rain, Peregrine carried himself with an exaggerated, annoying swagger. He swung open the door to the library's main rom- not caring it was disturbing the other visitors- and sauntered in- not caring he was dripping rainwater onto the tile floor. He wasn't even wearing a coat- despite it being mid-autumn with highs in the 50s (farenheit), he wore nothing but an open-collared peasant shirt and very characteristic tight leather pants. His shirt, which in dry conditions would've been loose, was so wet it was transluscent and plastered onto his chest, showing every curve in his body. Darcy took one look at him, and turned back to his work. But it was one look too many. Peregrine's face lit up in a devilish grin, and he sauntered over to the service desk Darcy sat behind.

"Well, if it isn't my beloved roommate, Darcy Sterling." Peregrine cajoled. He draped himself over the desk, knocking over Darcy's nameplate and the world's-best-nerd mug (a birthday gift from Isi) that housed his spare pens. "You said you would be at the eye doctor today."

"A white lie." Darcy shrugged. "One you clearly didn't believe, since you're here, harassing me at my workplace, instead of harassing the optometrist at hers."

Peregrine pouted. "It would've been more fun to go to the doctor with you. Ooh, maybe they'd put you in one of those flimsy paper gowns… so fun to tear away."

"The optometrist isn't that kind of doctor." Darcy said simply, fighting to keep the rage out of his voice. "You're dripping all over my desk, and it might damage some of my files. Might I ask you to stand up straight."

"Fine…" Peregrine sighed. "Not even the fun kind of dripping." Darcy was pretty sure that terrible joke was the only reason Peregrine had complied in the first place.

"The fun kind of dripping?" Darcy repeated. "What does that even mean?"

Peregrine only shook his head and gave a self-satisfyed smile. "Oh, Darcy. So sweet, so innocent…"

So he was talking out of his ass. Darcy groaned, leaned back in his chair, and pressed his hands to his eyes. After a moment of self-indulging annoyance and a spin in his rolly chair all the way around, he turned to Peregrine again. "What's your excuse for interrupting me at my job this time?"

"I," Peregrine smiled, and placed his hand rather dramatically on top of Darcy's desk. "Am looking for a book."

"'How to Become a Better You?'" Darcy answered sarcastically. The self-help book had been a rather popular pick at the library for people in the thoes of a mid-life crisis.

Peregrine had, unfortunately, moved on with his charade. "Oh, what was the name…. I can't remember…."

"I can't help you if you don't remember." Darcy had tired of this conversation before it had even started.

"Oh, what was it…." Peregrine went on, then faked a moment of inspiration. "Ah, yes! I remember. Dear Darcy, could you help me find, 'He pounded me with his massive giant cock til I came all over his wife's bed'."

That was not a real book. Simply because the title was too long, Darcy knew it was not a real book. But because he figured humoring Peregrine might make him leave him alone sooner, Darcy typed some random letters into his computer. "Oh, sorry, it seems we don't carry that one. Perhaps, you could try the adult novelties store down the road?"

Peregrine shrugged. "I'm sure they'd be happier to have me than you are."