how the earth loved you

a funeral banner risen for the living, standing in the center of the village

Yun awoke with a start and instantly regretted the movement when his sharp breath caused pain in his chest, his temple, his abdomen. It was only after he took in the breath- cold and sterile, tasting of bitter medicine- did he realize what he had done in the first place. He had breathed, and he had thought about it, which meant he was alive. Kyoshi had, for better or worse, spared him.

His other senses came after- first his sense of touch. Yun was laying down on his back, across some sort of bed. As far as he could tell, his armor and outer robes had been removed, leaving forearms, feet and chest bare to the elements. Someone had draped a blanket over him. It was warm.

Then came his hearing. The room was quiet enough that he could be fairly certain he was the only one in it, but he could here the muffled chatter of unfamiliar voices outside a thin wall. A soft breeze filtered through an open window, accompanied by a gentle birdsong. It was pleasant.

At last, Yun opened his eyes. He must’ve been more exhausted than he thought, because the simple act required actual effort to perform. The first thing he saw was light- pure and white and directly in his eyes, forcing him to instant shut them and blink away the surprise. When he opened his eyes again, he saw a wooden ceiling- the same wooden ceiling he had stared at each morning for years. He was back in Yokoya, back at the mansion. He was in his own room. It, somehow, hadn’t been destroyed.

As Yun propped himself up on his bed, he surveyed the room. Not much had changed since he had inhabited it, other than some areas being tidied up, most likely thanks to Kyoshi’s efforts. She had been telling the truth when she said she hadn’t been in it, because every change seemed recent and new. Other than the piles of clothes being picked up, other small changes had been made. The window next to his bed has been opened, letting in light, wind and birdsong. A small chair had been taken from the hall and placed next to his bed, so that someone- he didn’t know who, as the chair now sat empty- could watch him while he slept. The door leading to the hallway had been propped open just enough so that Yun could hear a pair of individuals conversing outside, but his voice was too weak to call out to them.

With nothing to do, Yun turned to himself. It was the practical thing to do after waking up from injury- to do a check of one’s body. Jianzhu and Amak had certainly assured he would remember the practice. Yun had all his limbs, and all his digits. His left hand was still stained black with ink, and his right wrapped in clean bandages, most likely to protect a wound. His hair had been let down, which felt strange only when Yun realized he hadn’t worn his hair down since before the incident, at least not for a long period of time. It had gotten longer since he had last checked, and now rested across his shoulders. It was darker now.

The sound of conversation outside his room lulled to a stop, and was replaced by that of heavy footsteps across the wooden floor and the creak of the door when Rangi opened it. She had healed from her injury (the one he had inflicted upon her) and was wearing a simple maroon tunic- one he had only seen her wear in the most casual of situations. She wasn’t giving him the dignity of showing up in her armor, because he, apparently, was no longer a threat. Without saying a word, Rangi stepped across what mess remained on the floor and sat down in the chair.

“Are you feeling well?” Her voice showed no emotional infliction.

“I’m feeling alright.”

“That’s good. We brought in one of the best healers in the world to heal you up. Does the name ‘Atuat’ ring a bell.”

It did. Atuat was the name of Master Amak’s older sister, who was, allegedly, her generation’s best healer. Yun had never met the woman, but apparently she had met him. It didn’t matter, though. They had more important things to talk about. “Why?” Yun’s voice was dry and hoarse on his lips, like it had been when he had taken his first life.

“Why-what?”

“Why did you spare me? Why am I alive now?”

“I didn’t spare you. Kyoshi did, for some reason.” After all, she is the Avatar. She can make those types of decisions without consequence. Even though Rangi hadn’t said them, the words hung in the air and pricked at Yun’s skin, causing palpable unease.

“So that’s it?” Yun coughed, then sputtered into a fit. Rangi stood up to force-feed him a glass of water, then returned to her chairs “That’s it? You spend almost a year hunting me down and interfere with my plans, then try to kill me, reconsider at the last moment and have me healed up and ready to go like things can go back to normal?”

“It wasn’t my choice to make.” Rangi closed her eyes. She didn’t want to look him in the eyes anymore- he wondered if it was out of shame, guilt, or because he was too much of a mess. “It was Kyoshi’s. And I have to respect her decisions, even if I don’t agree with all of them.”

“You’re saying you would’ve killed me, given the chance.”

“I’m saying I respect Kyoshi’s decision as the Avatar.”

“You know, it was once my decision you respected.”

“We all know, Yun. You don’t have to say it.”

“And what happens now? Do I get to die by public execution? Is that what I get from being in the good graces of Avatar Kyoshi?” The name felt foreign on his tongue. It was the first time he had said her real title.

Rangi sighed. “Kyoshi believes you can be rehabilitated, that you stand a chance of still having some good inside you.”

Yun couldn’t help but laugh, but was also hurt by the faith his friends had in him. At least, that one of his friends did. “You aren’t buying it, are you?”

Rangi scoffed and turned away from him. She didn’t say anything.

“You already told me you want me dead. You don’t have to sugarcoat it.”

“You tried to kill my mother, Yun. You tried to kill me.” Rangi sounded as if she was forcing out every syllable. “I can’t forgive you for what you’ve done to me, my family, and everyone I care about.”

“She deserves it. Hei-Ran, I mean.”

“Yun...”

“She tortured me, for years, for a lie that she didn’t even bother to prove. She abandoned us all- you, me, Kyoshi- just as we all needed her. She deserves to pay for her crimes.”

Rangi paused.

“Rangi, I know you. And I know you care about justice. If you’re so willing to punish me for my transgressions, the least you can do is the same to her.”

“She’s my mother, Yun.”

“And I’m your friend. There isn’t a difference between us, at least when you look at it.”

It took Rangi a moment to think over her response before she said it. “Yun, what do you want?”

“Right now? Some food would be nice.”

“Don’t play your games with me.”

Yun hesitated before replying. “It’s simple. I want what everyone does- justice from those who have wronged me. I’m just willing to go to extremes to get it.”

“You slaughtered hundreds, like animals.”

“It’s what they deserved.”

“And the innocents? The palace guards caught in the fray of everything? Did they deserve it?”

“Rangi, you’re a soldier. You know that not every life can be spared.”

“You’re the one that killed them.”

“And?”

Rangi put her hand to her temple and didn’t say a word. She sighed.

“So what’s going to happen to me next? If I’m not going to die in the near future.”

“I don’t know.” Rangi sighed. She slumped down in her chair. “Kyoshi has a plan, but she hasn’t told me yet. I think she’s consulting with her past lives before she tells anyone.” Once, he had the privilege of believing they were his past lives. Now, that dream was as far off as the sun setting in the western sky.

Rangi continued, sensing Yun’s dissatisfaction with the answer. “Knowing Kyoshi, it will probably involve giving you some sort of trial and going from there. But for now, you can rest.” She stood up, indicating that she didn’t have anything less to say. Yun couldn’t relate.

“Wait, Rangi-“ Yun wasted all his energy trying to move forward. “I need to-“

“We’ll have plenty of time to talk later.” Unfortunately. Rangi had already reached the door, threatening to leave him alone.

“I just need to know one thing.” Yun asked. “Do you actually want me dead?”

Rangi paused midway through her step. “Kyoshi spared you. I don’t know why, but there’s nothing I can do about it.” Her response did not answer his question.

a statue of a martyr, standing high above the trees

Kyoshi took a while to return from wherever she was. Long enough, in fact, for Yun to gather up his strength and be led out of his bed, downstairs, and to the kitchen to eat breakfast at noon.

Of course, he wasn’t allowed the mercy of privacy. They might have left him alone while he was unconscious, but now that he was waking, he was a threat. Kyoshi hadn’t summoned a militia or an army to fight him- only a rag-tag group of companions. It only meant that the people who watched him eat his congee were more powerful than military force.

There were two of them who watched him eat- two people who Rangi had left him with, explaining to them (not to him) that she needed to check on Jinpa and see if Kyoshi was returning. Yun didn’t recognize either of his two new guardsmen, other than from the battle he had just waged against them. They were Kyoshi’s new friends, people she could trust and rely on. And he didn’t know anything about them.

That was a lie, or at least an over-exaggeration. There were some things he could tell about each of Kyoshi’s companions by their appearances alone. Opposites in features and dress, they were criminals. They had to be- their vagabond fighting styles and mix-matched attire told Yun all he needed to know about their lifestyles. He wondered how Kyoshi had gotten caught up with such individuals, and laughed at the thought of Rangi willingly working alongside them. They both wore piercings that told different things about each of them- bone white jewelry on the woman, shimmering gold on the man. They glared at him from across the table, as if they were just waiting for him to make the first move.

“So….” Yun set down his spoon and made eye contact with both his guards.

“Move and you’re a dead man.” The woman hissed, her hand suspended over the waterskin at her waist.

Yun threw his hands up in surrender. “Whoa! I thought you guys weren’t killing me. Guess I was wrong.”

“Kyoshi spared you, but she also left us in charge.” The man said, his voice low and monotonous. “Which means if you step out of line, don’t be surprised if you lose a few digits.”
“Fine, fine.” Yun shrugged and returned his hands to the table. “Don’t worry about me though. I have no intention of hurting anyone here.”

After they had carefully watched his movements, the two daofei returned to whatever silent conversation they were having between side-glances and expressions. As far as Yun could tell, they were two of only seven people residing at the mansion. The airbender- Jinpa, he assumed- was being kept in the infirmary to recover from his injuries, under Sifu Atuat’s careful watch. Rangi had gone to check on him, and Kyoshi was off doing… something. The situation left a loose end. “Say, do either of you know where Rangi’s mother might be- Headmistress Hei-Ran? She’s Fire Nation, the spitting image of her daughter, kind of intimidating?”

The two criminals exchanged a glance that told Yun everything. They knew where Hei-Ran was, they just weren’t telling him. Of course.

“Why would we tell you?” The man asked. His heavy brow furrowed.

Yun shrugged. “Common courtesy?” In actuality, he hadn’t been expecting an answer. He expected much better of Kyoshi’s friends than to tell Hei-Ran’s location to the man who had tried to kill her.

If either of Yun’s guards had anything else to say, they didn’t get the chance to say it before being interrupted by the kitchen’s heavy door opening, letting in light, wind, and Kyoshi.

The Avatar had freshened up since Yun had last seen her. Instead of her heavy battle robes and chain-mail armor, Kyoshi had donned a simple tunic better suited to the warm weather and had cleaned her face of the dust and blood that had covered it. She held her head high, with the confidence only the Avatar could muster.

“Wong, Kirma.” Kyoshi nodded to her friends as she named them, and smiled when they returned the greeting. She turned to him. “Yun.”

“Kyoshi.” He returned her greeting with a nod.

Kyoshi glanced back at her friends, silently dismissing them. The recently-dubbed Kirima and Wong sent Yun glares as they left, but filed out of the kitchen without complaint. After she watched her friends disappear out the door, Kyoshi turned to Yun and sat down across from him. She rested her hands on the table, letting Yun see the lightning scars running across them. He didn’t know where she had gotten the scars.

“Are you feeling better?” Kyoshi asked. She raised an eyebrow.

“I- I think so. Yes.” Yun sputtered. The words fell out of his mouth before he could think them over. He couldn’t look Kyoshi in the eye, so he looked at her hands.

“Atuat really is a miracle worker, isn’t she…” Kyoshi mused, leaning back even though there wasn’t a chair back to support her. “I’m only thankful she was able to get here quickly, or else we might’ve lost a life.” She didn’t specify whose.

“You have scars over your hands.” Yun said. He couldn’t stop himself from saying it. Kyoshi wasn’t supposed to have scars over her hands, not ones he didn’t recognize. She had left him, like everyone did.

“Yes… I do.” Kyoshi drew her hands underneath the table, to hide them from his view. “You have scars on the soles of your feet.”

“I do.” Yun said, becoming painfully aware of the past wounds covering his feet. Covered now by cloth slippers lent to him by Rangi, the bleeding had taken weeks to subside after he had withstood the initial wound. If his memory was right, he had only fully healed when… when he left the mansion. Of course, Kyoshi now knew about that, meaning all his past efforts had been a waste. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kyoshi sighed.

“There wasn’t a reason to.” Yun shrugged. There wasn’t much else he could say. It was hard to remember past justifications for simple acts, after everything that had happened. He didn’t want to recall his past self, and the lie it had all been.

“Rangi told me that you two spoke.” Kyoshi said, cautiously. Of course, she already knew about that. Of course.

“Why did you spare me?” Yun asked, ignoring what Kyoshi had said before. The room had been quiet before, but it silenced after he uttered the last syllable.

“You don’t deserve a final judgment, at least not by me, one individual, in the heat of battle.” Kyoshi declared.

“So you’re handing your Avatar duty to a tribunal so they can decide my fate?”

“I’m not abandoning my duty, I’m embracing it. The Avatar is not meant to be the supreme moral judgment of the world.”

“There are people who would disagree with that statement.”

“Their opinion doesn’t matter about it. Mine does. And it’s my opinion that I alone cannot judge the weight of your actions.”

“Mhm.” Yun looked away from Kyoshi and took a spoonful of his congee. It was cold and unpleasant. He swallowed the bitterness and set his spoon on the table. He found himself longing for something he had longed for years before- the ability to firebend. Except now, it wasn’t an inevitable goal he just hadn’t reached yet, but a mocking impossibility.

"Yun, I want to give you a chance.” Kyoshi’s voice softened. “Because I believe you deserve it. You have the potential to grow and change, just like the rest of us do. You just have to embrace it.”

“Grow and change into what?” Yun scoffed, looking up into Kyoshi’s eyes for the first time that morning. “We can’t go back. You, of all people, should know that. I won’t return to that… that lie.”

“I’m not asking you to. I wouldn’t ask that of anyone. I just want you to be safe, healthy, and happy. We don’t have to return to the past to repair our relationship.”

Yun didn’t reply. He couldn’t muster up an answer that would satisfy Kyoshi.

“Yun, what do you want? What’s the point of all this?”

“I already told you.” Yun sighed. “I want justice. I was wronged, and I want retribution. It’s simple. I’d think you’d want the same, after everything.”

“I- that’s not the point.” Kyoshi put her hand over her temple. “Is that what you really want?”

“What else is there for me to want, that I physically can achieve. There are things I want, things I know we both want, but we can’t reach them. Justice is the one thing I can achieve.”

“It sounds moe like what you want is vengeance.”

“Call it what you will, I don’t care. Justice, vengeance, payback. I’m righting what wrongs have been committed against me. It’s not that hard to understand.”

“If you saw Hei-Ran right now, would you attempt to kill her?”

“Maybe.” Yun paused. “Maybe not.”

“You wouldn’t hesitate? You wouldn’t hear what she might have to say to you?”

Yun crossed his arms. “Any apology she could give me wouldn’t fix the damage she’s done.”

“She was willing to sacrifice herself to you, you know. She was willing to die to you, even if it was for a reason separate from your own goal.” Kyoshi said.

“Really?” It was the first Yun was hearing of anything like it. “Why?”

“She believed that if she died, your bloodlust would be satisfied Is that true? If Hei-Ran were to die, would you stop there?”

“I don’t know.” Yun sighed, leaning over the table. “I don’t know. Hei-Ran wasn’t the only one who wronged me.”

“Bloodshed isn’t the only way to make amends.”

“It’s the most efficient. And you’re a hypocrite- you helped me kill Jianzhu.”

“I’m- it’s not like that. Not everyone is Jianzhu. Lives have meaning, and weight. You can’t just go around picking who lives and who-” She cut herself off before she said anymore.

“When I kill someone, I’m final about it.” Yun scoffed. “I don’t spare their life and play games with them before sending them off to be executed by decision of the jury.”

“Your trial will be fair, I assure it.” Kyoshi ran her fingers through her hair, threatening to pull it all out. “And I’m hoping you aren’t sentenced to death. I’m hoping you’re able to grow.”

Yun didn’t answer, studying the distress painted across Kyoshi’s face. It was as distinct as her mask of white and red.

“I need you to make me a promise.”

Yun raised an eyebrow.

“Hei-Ran is here, she came with Atuat. She doesn’t know that you’re here yet, or that you’re even alive. I need you to promise not to kill her, or anyone else while we’re here.”

“I mean, you have your new friends watching my every move-”

“When they aren’t watching you.” Kyoshi snapped. “I need you to keep good morale, even when you aren’t being watched. Can you promise me that?”

“Do I really have a choice?”

“You tell me.”

“Fine. I won’t try to kill her. Or anyone else. That doesn’t mean I’ll be civil and pleasant with her.”

Kyoshi sighed, in weariness or relief. “That’s not what I’m asking of you.” She paused. “But, thank you. It’s a start.”

a mosaic of stone and marble, weathered and torn by war

It took only the rest of the time in the day for Hei-Ran to learn of the truth, and when she did, it was if she was threatening to light the very world aflame with only her willpower.

“You let him live?” The headmistress spat, gesturing at Yun as he sat as casually as he could across the wooden bench. Kyoshi had called a meeting of all the people currently inhabiting the house, up unto and including what minimal staff remained, Kyoshi’s daofei companions, Rangi, Atuat, the still-recovering airbender Jinpa, and Headmistress Hei-Ran of Clan Sei’naka herself.

Hei-Ran hadn’t changed much from the last time he had seen her, other than the fact she had made a full recovery from the injuries he had caused. She stood tall and proud once again, mustering enough strength to confront the Avatar about her mistakes.

“Hei-Ran, I can explain.” Kyoshi jumped to defend herself but kept a respectful decorum ill-fitting of Hei-Ran’s dishonored status. “I believe-”

“She thinks I get a second chance.” Yun smiled, putting extra effort to make his voice sound infuriatingly oblivious. “Isn’t that great?”

Hei-Ran shot him a poignant glare- he, apparently, still qualified to be reprimanded as he student- before looking up at Kyoshi. “I- you changed your plan?”

“I did.” Kyoshi stated, forcing the strength into her voice. She looked over the small crowd that had gathered. “Yun will be taken to a remote, secondary location to be tried for his crimes in a fair, just environment. A special tribunal will judge his fate and decide a worthy punishment. Whether he lives or dies will be decided under a court of law.”

“You’re putting a lot of faith in a law system you’ve sworn your life against.” The woman whom Yun now knew as Kirima, said. She leaned back on the bookshelf she was standing by as she said it. “Are you sure this is the right path to go down?”

“It isn’t. This isn’t the right choice.” Rangi interrupted and shook her head. “Kyoshi, you have to make finite decisions! It’s not characteristic of the Avatar to go back-and-forth or leave it up to someone else.”

“I think it’s the right choice.” Jinpa piped up, raising his uninjured arm to be heard. “Sparing lives is nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes, it’s the right decision to make.”

Wong cleared his throat to speak. “And sometimes, it isn't. We also have to consider that this isn’t just a normal person we’re talking about. We have to consider who he is and what he’s done. If we’re taking this kid’s life into our hands, we have to make sure we’re making the right decision.”

“I wasn’t expecting a daofei to care so much about the wellbeing of society,” Hei-Ran said. While her voice could be read as surprised or curious on the surface, it didn’t take much dissecting to discover the passive-aggressive undertones in her words.

“Well, I wouldn’t say that, exactly. I do care not to get murdered in my sleep by him.” Wong gestured to Yun. He returned the man's glare with one of his own.

“I say we should let Kyoshi live with her decision.” Atuat professed. “Not only is she a grown woman who can make her own choices, but she’s the Avatar and we should all respect those choices.”

“Yes, but being the Avatar doesn’t excuse her from making wrong decisions!” Rangi stressed her words and ran her hands through her hair. “And if she makes a wrong decision, we should call her out on it!”

Yun drew his hand over his eyes to block out the light and try to quell his emotion. It didn’t help. “Is anyone going to ask me how I feel about any of this?” He outburst, looking between the people inhabiting the room. They all stared at him with blank, wide-eyed faces. “It’s my life that you’re tossing around like a sack of rice, don’t I get a say in my own fate?”

The room fell silent as Yun glanced over each pair of eyes boring into eyes. None showed any emotion but shock- they couldn’t believe he had the nerve to speak. He turned to Kyoshi- the only one with moral obligation to respond. The very fact he was alive was because of her choices, she was forced to have an answer.

Kyoshi hesitated, her hands hovering in front of her. “I-”

“No, you don’t.” Rangi snapped. “The accused don’t decide their own fates.”

The jab hurt more than Yun was expecting. Rangi had never spoken to him like that before.

Kyoshi let the moment pass before changing the subject. “It doesn’t matter right now, anyways. We have a plan, and we’re going to go through with it. We’re awaiting word from the village leaders in Makapu, once they accept our request, a small entourage and I will accompany Yun to stand trial there. His fate will be decided, and whatever decision is made, we will live by.” Except for him, if they chose execution.

“You’re trying me… in Makapu?” Yun sputtered.

“It’s your birthplace, is it not?” Kyoshi asked the question genuinely. She had forgotten.

“It- it is, but isn’t it a little far?”

“Actually, that’s the point,” Hei-Ran stated slowly and cautiously, teaching him as if he was still her student. “Makapu is distanced enough from Yokoya that those judging you will not know of your crimes, and can judge you more fairly.” The places where Yun had killed were so widespread and numerous that it didn’t really matter, but the old woman had a point. He hadn’t even gone back to his hometown since he left it- on Avatar duty or as part of his quest for vengeance. It was the one place he wanted no ties to anymore- the people there he held grudges against were already dead.

Yun put his hand to his temple, then his chin, then over his mouth. His lips were dry and chapped, like the surface of the ground in drought. “Oh. I guess that does make sense.”

“It will only take a few weeks, hopefully.” Kyoshi turned back to her audience, her back to Yun. “In the meantime, we’ll heal up and get ready. It’ll be a long trip.”

From what Yun could tell, the general consensus was positive, but he couldn’t truly tell without tearing his eyes from the ground below him. It was as if he would fall right through it. He hoped he would.

“But for now, I wish to speak to Yun. Alone.” Kyoshi announced. Her presence and words commanded order, respect. She was the pillar of authority and reason here- everything he, now, was not. It took a moment for everyone to file out of the room, but they eventually did, leaving only Yun, Kyoshi and Rangi.

“I thought you said ‘alone’.” Yun scoffed as he lifted his head from the ground to see Kyoshi taking a seat across from him and Rangi pacing by the window. “‘Alone’ implies that it would be just you and me, not you and me and Rangi.”

“Forgive me for my misuse of the word, then.” Kyoshi sighed and leaned back, her confident mask slipping. “I thought-”

“Do you not want me here, Yun?” Rangi turned to face him.

Yun straightened his posture. “No, I can’t say that I do. You’ve made it very clear that you want me dead.”

“I want you to pay for everything you’ve done.”

“Then we’re on the same page because that’s what I want from everyone who wronged me!”

“It’s- it’s not the same!” Rangi crossed her arms.

“We aren’t here to debate this now.” Kyoshi sighed, interrupting both of them. “The time for this conversation will come, we just have to wait a while. For now, Yun is staying alive.”

“Wow, thanks.” Yun sent a wry smile at both his friends. “How lucky am I to be at the mercy of the Avatar.”

Rangi answered him with a glare and leaned forward to speak to him. Just as she was about to lecture him for his disobedience like her mother used to, she was silenced by a look from Kyoshi. The taller of the two girls approached the other, and the two shared a low, hushed conversation Yun didn’t care to overhear. Within moments, Rangi had steadied herself and exited the library, closing the door behind her. The firebender’s sudden absence left Yun alone with Kyoshi and Kyoshi alone with him. The Avatar and… him. It was the first time they had been alone together in quite some time.

After watching her companion leave, Kyoshi turned to Yun. After looking him over checking him for a threat- she took a seat next to him. Yun moved as far as he could away from her to avoid the possibility of them touching. Kyoshi didn’t object.

“I thought it would be easier than this…” Kyoshi drew her hand over her eyes, pantomiming wiping away tears that Yun knew didn’t exist. “I thought- I thought you would be grateful. Do you- are you not happier to be alive? Don’t you want this chance?”

“You know what I want, Kyoshi.” Yun crossed his arms. “And you’ve taken every opportunity I have at it.”

“Then why?” Kyoshi pleaded. “I haven’t taken your opportunity. You’re one of the strongest benders alive right now- you’re a trained assassin. If you wanted to, you could eliminate every being in this mansion- in this town. You could continue your crusade without a second thought, and yet… you’re staying. For the most part, you’re complying with what I ask and what I say. Why? What’s changed?”

It was the question Yun was dreading the most because it was the one he didn’t have an answer to. He didn’t even have a lie. “I- I don’t know.” He was tired.

Tired of what, Yun? The voice in his head asked him. It sounded like Kyoshi’s, but it couldn’t be her. She hadn’t moved- a statue of marble, like the ones of her predecessors standing in the Southern Air Temple. What do you tire of, fighting? Caring? Living with the pain?

He didn’t have any answers, even to the questions he asked himself.

“Are you… ok with this?” Kyoshi- the real Kyoshi- asked. Her voice was weak, uncharacteristically. She wasn’t supposed to be this weak anymore. She was the Avatar.

Yun inhaled, drinking in the still, tense air like water. It couldn’t fill him enough. “Do I really get a choice?”

a faded flag of dyed blue cotton, the finest on the mountainside

It had been a while since Yun had flown. He didn’t remember this until they were already a hundred feet in the air on Jinpa’s bison, on the first leg of their journey to Makapu.

Yun decided that, at least for now, the worst form of transportation was by sky. If he looked to his past, he could remember times when he enjoyed it, days when flight brought the possibility of a bright future, a future that had been taken from him with everything else.

It made him sick- not only the irony of him taking to the skies now, after everything, but the act of flying itself made him nauseous. A hundred feet of atmosphere severed him from what gave him strength- the earth. What little stability the bison’s saddle provided wasn’t enough- he had to hold onto the wooden saddle in fear of falling over. Naturally, his ‘companions’ didn’t give him any sympathy, only empty stares.

“Yun? Are you ok?” Rangi asked, shouting to be heard over the wind. It was only her, Kyoshi and him aboard the bison’s saddle, with Kyoshi’s airbender friend Jinpa at the reigns. The others had stayed in Yokoya at the Avatar’s request- they weren’t needed at Yun’s trial. It was one grace of Kyoshi’s that Yun was actually grateful for. He didn’t want to spend any more time around Rangi’s mother, especially if he was expected to complacently tolerate her presence.

Yun tore his eyes open and blinked in the bright sunlight. Looking at the sky was better than looking down. “What?” He snapped, only then realizing that Rangi had asked him a question. “I’m fine.”

Rangi scoffed. While Yun couldn’t see her with his eyes to the clouds, he could picture the firebender turning to Kyoshi, with false worry in her eyes, as she said, “He wasn’t ever like this about flying before, was he?”

“A lot has changed since then,” Yun answered, taking Kyoshi’s chance to speak. He lowered his gaze to Rangi’s to measure her reaction.

Rangi parted her lips, but didn’t let any sound escape them before crossing her arms and sinking down into a sulk. Her armor clinked against itself as she moved.

“You clearly have something to say.” Yun prompted. “Tell it to my face, if you aren’t a coward.”

“It’s nothing.” Rangi grumbled. She cast her gaze aside.

“Jinpa, how far are we from Makapu?” Kyoshi turned to the airbender. They had to be close, Yun thought. They had been traveling for days.

“We should be nearing the village within the hour.” Jinpa had to shout to be heard over the wind, and Yun struggled to hear him even so.

“That’s good to hear.” Kyoshi nodded and settled back into her seat. She had donned her fine robes, armor, and headdress for an official appearance of the Avatar. The sight of her- all done up in finery to decide his death- competed with the sky to make Yun sicker.

After a moment, Kyoshi turned to Yun. “Are you ready, Yun?”

“Can I really be?” He scoffed.

Kyoshi paused in thought, looking to the heavens above as she contemplated what he had said. “Are you happy to be heading back to Makapu? I know you haven’t been there in a while.”

Yun didn’t answer. He cast his gaze to the horizon, even though it made him feel sick. The horizon was just like he remembered it- the rugged, snow-capped mountains of the North-Western Peninsula cradling tiny hillside villages. As much as he had tried to acclimate to the low-elevation, the seaside climate of Yokoya, he could never really call the peninsula home. Instead, in a sick sense of fate, he never could have adjusted to a part of the world where he couldn’t see the mountains around him, keeping him safe from the world outside.

“Makapu’s the one next to the volcano, right?” Jinpa called out. For some reason, instead of answering herself, Kyoshi looked to Yun.

“Yes. It’s the one next to the volcano.” Yun replied, then instantly turned back the landscape. He could see the peak of Mt. Makapu in the distance, the gleaming peaks of the town’s roofs in the distance, and noticed that Jinpa was, in fact, leading them towards the village. For better or for worse, they had arrived.

Yun swallowed the bile in his mouth, closed his eyes, and braced for a landing.

---

Instead of vomiting the moment he fell back to the ground, Yun composed himself to simply brace himself on his knees and catch his breath, taking in heaving, heavy breathes as he relished the stability of the earth below him. He wanted nothing more than to lay in the dirt and let it take him, but he was fairly certain Kyoshi would actually kill him if he tried.

“Are you feeling better?” Jinpa asked as he joined him on the ground.

Yun studied the airbender’s features. He wasn’t expecting such… compassion from the stranger. “Uh. Yeah, I think so. Thanks.” He didn’t know what he was thanking the other man for, other than a soft landing and a word of empathy.

“It’s nothing.” Jinpa smiled, then walked off to reign up his bison, leaving Yun alone with his old friends.

“I didn’t know Makapu was built under a volcano.” Rangi mused as she and Kyoshi approached Yun. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen any outside the Fire Nation, actually.”

Yun gathered himself to face Kyoshi and Rangi. “There aren’t many.”

“It’s a beautiful town…” Kyoshi mused as she surveyed the town. The had landed amongst the fields on one of the mountain’s slopes, the perfect place to view the picturesque landscape from without having to get close to the actual city. To Yun, Makapu was a painting- beautiful and gleaming from afar, but disgusting once you got close enough to see the fine details.

“Not so beautiful once you see it’s gutters…” Yun muttered, loud enough that Kyoshi could hear him. Kyoshi, but not Rangi. Kyoshi, like him, had been raised amongst the detestable. She would see his experiences as her own. It would be like before.

The Avatar, in all her power, with the golden morning shining off her headpiece like the light of a halo, cast him a forlorn glance, nodded, and returned her sight to the horizon. She turned to Rangi. “We should head down to the village. We need to speak with the town leaders, and create a schedule.”

The people of Makapu- or at least those in the village when Yun entered it- turned their heads as the strangers paraded through the town.

At the head of the procession was the Avatar herself, holding her head above the crowd, with her gaze on one thing- the city center, and the courthouse that stood by it. Behind her walked Jinpa, clutching his-glider staff by his side, mirroring her stance and pride.

Then, there was Yun. They had bound his hands before they entered the village- they said it was out of custom, but Yun knew better. They- whether ‘they’ be Kyoshi and Rangi, or the village leaders of Makapu- wanted to parade him around as a captive, for the world to see. To his back was Rangi, ready to incapacitate him at a moment’s notice. Despite the humility and the burn of the rope against his wrists, Yun compiled. He didn’t cast glances at the villagers as they did him, and didn’t even meet the eyes of the village captain when they stopped in front of him.

The Village Captain- a thin, lanky man that only stood a few inches below Kyoshi- glanced over Yun in disgust as he and the Avatar exchanged whispered pleasantries. Yun did not give him the satisfaction of the returned gesture, and decided to focus his attention on something else. Not the ground- he didn’t want to look humble or afraid. The buildings further up the mountainside would suffice. Like most buildings in Makapu, they were raised from the dirt by the will of earthbenders, and capped with roofs of gold so that the villagers might pretend that they were among the higher classes. Those who lived on the mountainside were rich- they could afford the better view. Coincidentally, they were also at a greater risk of a sudden eruption.

“And the trials will start tomorrow at dawn, according to regional custom.” The village captain said, now speaking loud enough that Yun could hear him. “The judges and elders have gathered already, and the… precarious situation has been explained to each of them.”

Yun glanced to Kyoshi just in time to see her nod. “Alright. And where will we all be staying during the trial?”

The captain cleared his throat and cast a wary glance at Yun. He ignored it. “The… accused will stay in special quarters near the courthouse. It’s not a prison, so to speak, but-”

“I understand.” Kyoshi nodded. She cast a glance at Yun, though he couldn’t decipher what she meant by it. He closed his eyes and drowned out the rest of the conversation. It didn’t matter to him, anyways.

---

To Yun’s surprise, Rangi elected to escort him to his new quarters, alone. Kyoshi didn’t protest, apparently thinking she was capable enough to take him if need be. Or she was starting to trust him again, like an idiot. He would’ve thought her too smart for either option.

Despite being given the perfect opportunity to, Yun decided against killing Rangi. He wasn’t sure why.

The accused’s quarters, as the village captain had described them- were simple, sparsely decorated in shades of beige and brown. The space consisted of a small bedroom with only enough space for a bedroll, with a window facing east and a small adjoined washroom. It was just as Yun was expecting it to be, though the sensation of walking into the space still hit him with a pang of guilt, or at least a pang of something. This room was the only home he’d ever had in Makapu and it was… this. He didn’t have any possessions to lay by the bed, to mark it as his even temporarily. Even his shoes had been taken from him and left by the courthouse door. With nothing else to do, he sat on the bedroll.

Rangi didn’t enter the room, but stood in the doorway watching him, as if she was guarding the post. “Are you… settled?”

Yun shrugged. “I don’t know if I can be any more comfortable.”

Rangi nodded briskly, then broke her stance and cursed under her breath. Apparently, she had accidentally shown him too much respect.

“Are you alright?” Yun cast a glance at the girl who used to be his friend.

Rangi didn’t answer. She cast her gaze to the floor. “What are you planning?”

“What?”

“You’re- you’re planning something.” Rangi stammered. “You have to be. You don’t just go from wanting to decimate half the globe to… peacefully standing trial.”

Yun paused to think. He didn’t really know why he was doing this, when he could so easily leave.

Except he couldn’t. Leaving and continuing his crusade wasn’t an option.

Not when Kyoshi could find him and stop him, for good.

“Kyoshi thinks I get a second chance.” Yun shrugged. “I’d be a fool not to take it.” Rangi wouldn’t understand. She had never committed any wrongdoing within her seventeen-or was she eighteen yet?- years. Of course she wouldn’t have. Unlike him, she was perfect. A shining example of moral good.

“It’s that simple?” Rangi said. Just as Yun had suspected, she didn’t understand.

Yun shrugged. “There isn’t anywhere left for me to go, really. Even if I run, I’ll still be found and beaten and I’ll end up right back here, or worse, down in Laogai.”

Rangi paused. She hesitated. “So… you’ve given up?”

“I figured that would be a good thing, considering how much you opposed what I was doing.”

“I am opposed to what you were doing. It’s just… not like you.”

Yun couldn’t produce an answer.

“You know…” Rangi deepened her voice. “This probably won’t end up being a second chance for you. You’re probably going to be executed.”

“Yeah.” Yun sighed. He had been expecting just as much. While he didn’t say it outloud, he almost told Rangi the reason he had come (or at least what he thought was the reason, for now): He wanted to make things right by his friends, or at least apologize.

Rangi’s dissatisfaction with his answer was clear, but she didn’t ask any further questions. She left, and closed the door behind her.

Yun let out a breath and collapsed backward onto the bedroll. It was thin enough that the sensation of hitting his head on the floor still hurt. He bit his tongue, hoping it would ease his tears.

a piece of parchment stained by ink, the black pigment covering what was once written

They came for him at dawn, just like they said they would. Not Rangi or Kyoshi, but the members of whatever law enforcement program Makapu had. Yun wasn’t exactly sure what title the armored men outside his door held, because they didn’t tell him. They didn’t tell him much of anything. They woke him by knocking at his door, and told him what was going to happen. Yun answered as calmly and diligently as he could and didn’t complain when they bound his hands too tightly. He didn’t know why.

Even though he had only seen it once or twice before, Yun remembered Makapu’s courtroom. It was a small, dim room, with only enough space to hold a fraction of the village’s population. Even so, the room was packed- the farmers and merchants of the town must’ve caught word that a killer was going to be tried in their very courthouse. Apparently, it was a spectacle worth missing work for.

Yun ignored both the stares he got as he was marched into the courthouse and the humiliation they brought with them, savoring the brief moment in which they didn’t know his name. He was certain that the privilege of anonymity wouldn’t be granted to him for long.

Unsurprisingly, she was there. The Avatar sat amongst her companions, tall and proud. She looked as if she was half expecting a portrait to be made of this moment, and wanted to immortalize herself as stoic and strong, a nonjudgemental spirit bringing justice upon the world. It was disgusting- the impartial, apathetic glance she gave him as she noticed his staring. She didn’t care about the results of this trial, and why would she? She didn’t care about him or his future- and maybe, she never did. All Avatar Kyoshi cared about was upholding justice in the wake of his vengeful, wrathful bloodbath.

The stares on Yun’s back were hot- the anger of people who didn’t know him. They didn’t know who he was or what he had done, and they hated him. They feared him. He relished the feeling. He let them fear them. They should. After all, the very ground below them was his.

During his training as the Avatar, Yun had studied legal systems across the nations, particularly in the various regions of the Earth Kingdom. He had asked Jianzhu why, once, and the Earth Sage had simply declared it necessary information for the Avatar to know, though Kyoshi seemed to be doing fine without it. He had poured hours into memorizing legal codes and customs, all for nothing. Except now, the information was becoming useful. Now, he had foresight.

The trial started with the ceremonious ringing of a gong, calling the attention of everyone in the room- whether they be guilty or innocent. What followed was a long and monotonous reading of Makapu’s code of court, carried out by one of the junior scribes- a young man no older than Yun himself, who stumbled over his words whenever he caught Yun staring at him, as if his looks could kill. It made the proceedings at least twice as long and three times more intolerable.

In his boredom, Yun let his facade lapse and glanced to Kyoshi. If this had been a normal day only a few years ago, perhaps they could’ve laughed about the situation together and spared themselves the mind-numbing boredom, at the expense of a reprimation from their elders. Yun had to remind himself that those times had been a lie. The aching boredom really was getting to his head.

Kyoshi, too, had let her mask fall, or at least let the clay structure chip away. She seemed agitated, especially when she met his gaze, and kept whispering things to Rangi. The latter seemed just as frustrated with the situation as the Avatar did, but Yun couldn’t be certain. He had always had more trouble reading Rangi’s emotions, anyways.

Even though he knew it was coming, the second ringing of the gong- caught Yun off-guard, causing him to stumble in his chair. The guards surrounding him cast wary glances as he collected himself. The humiliation, on top of that of the entire situation, brought blood to Yun’s cheeks.

The soft, hiccuping murmur of the scribe was soon replaced by one Yun dreaded even more- the distinctive, low shuffling of old men entering a room. One by one, the elders and captains of Makapu Village trailed into the stale, dim courtroom, kicking up clouds of dust as they did so. It was as if they were choosing to antagonize Yun more- with both the familiar sterility of his previous life and the sheer sluggishness of the event. It took too long for each juror to take their seat at the bench, and equally as long for the same floundering scribe to utter out each of their lengthy titles before the gong was rung for a third and final time.

The scribe cleared his throat and adjusted his cap. “The accused will now rise and announce their identity.”

Yun took in a breath. The air was stale and dusty, laced with the very earth he commanded. It didn’t bring him any comfort.

He had stalled too long, apparently, because the guard closest to him put his hand to his back and shoved him foreword. Yun collected himself as he fell, then stood up in the most undignified way he thought possible. Though he couldn’t be certain, he thought he saw a smirk growing across the man’s face. Of course. They were taunting him. This trial changed nothing- they were going to kill him either way. They just wanted him to wait it out.

Yun swallowed his pride- it was useless now, anyways, and turned to face the crowd, then the jury. They all stared at him with empty faces, awaiting his declaration.

His first and only instinct was to lie. It wrong- he had never, not once in his life, lied about who he was. Of course, for most of his life, he didn’t need to.

If he lied, Kyoshi would know. Her gaze was like the sun on his neck. She, like everyone else, was waiting.

Yun exhaled. “I am Yun, from Makapu. I am seventeen years old. I have no family name to speak of.” He clenched his teeth. “I am the false Avatar.”

The crowd didn’t erupt into cheers, or chaos, but hushed whispers. At least he was interesting to get people talking.

One of the jurors- the one sitting in the center- cleared his throat and shuffled some papers around infront of him. “State what you have been accused of, Yun.”

It had been a while since he had been referred to as just Yun, at least legally. He closed his eyes- looking at Kyoshi or Rangi would be a bad idea now, especially if he chose Rangi. “I killed people.”

If the initial confession of his identity had stirred the crowds, then this had tipped the cauldron over and spilled its contents onto the ground. The people of Makapu couldn’t believe there was an actual murderer in their presence. Even though he wasn’t watching them, Yun was sure their gazes onto him had shifted.

“How many people, and who?” The juror continued. Yun could tell by the tone of the old man’s voice that he wasn’t expecting him to actually confess what he had done, only vaguely allude to a petty theft or a violent scuffle. Despite honestly being a common value in most places, Yun was fondling that openly admitting to murder wasn’t an admirable trait amongst most crowds.

“I can’t remember them all.” Yun shrugged. There wasn’t much point in lying, at least not with Kyoshi here. And if the farmers here had come for a spectacle, that’s what they would get. “It was too many people, in too short of a timeframe. Not all of them were significant to me.”

The juror sighed and pressed his hand to his temple. “You may rest, Yun.”

Yun nodded and sat down. The complacency made him sick, but he couldn’t do anything else.

“Rise, Avatar Kyoshi.” The juror called out. At his words, Kyoshi stood, causing just as much of a stir as Yun did. He realized that a portion of the audience probably didn’t know of her presence. They had the privilege of seeing the actual, genuine Avatar in their very courthouse.

Kyoshi walked to the front of the courtroom, to stand infront of the jury. She gave the elders a respectful bow before standing up. “I am Avatar Kyoshi, a former friend of Yun’s. I can confirm what he has said is true.”

The juror nodded. “Could you elaborate on that statement?”

“Of course.” Kyoshi diligently replied. She spoke with a measured, strong cadence, the confidence of generations in her voice. “I’ve witnessed Yun killing and attempting to kill on multiple occasions. He has even attempted to kill myself and my trusted companions. You can ask any of my party to confirm what I’ve said, or just ask Yun himself. He’s many things, but a liar isn’t one of them.”

Pathetic. She was spreading information about him without his consent. He was going to start lying now, just to prove her wrong.

The next words out of the juror’s mouth were like the crack of a whip in Yun’s bare skin. “Avatar Kyoshi, what do you think should happen to this man?”

Kyoshi hesitated to reply. “I’m not sure. That’s why I’ve come here.”

The room fell silent, but Yun couldn’t tell if it was actually silence or his own senses blocking out what was happening around him. The air was still and warm- or was it cold? He couldn’t tell the difference between the sweat on his neck and the goosebumps over his arms and the tears of stress welling in his eyes. He feared that if he dug his hands any further into his arms, he would break his own skin. Why was he here? Why was he here? Even Kyoshi, the very person who has brought him here, didn’t know. It was a charade, a game she was playing to give him one last hope, only to crush it in a final, decision. Yun was certain he wouldn’t make it to see the next month before his execution. Kyoshi would be able to live with her regret about the situation. He wasn’t being given the choice.

Like the taunt string of a bow, Yun could feel himself snap.

a crack running up the body of a bell, disrupting the echoing chime

It was like the sound of a bell- the kind of noise one only heard when standing underneath such an instrument while it was being rung. Yun had felt such a thing, once, when Jianzhu and Kelsang had taken him to Ba Sing Se for the first time to meet the Earth King. They had gone on a historic, guided tour of the palace, which included a look at the city’s original clock system while it was being rung. Then, the noise had caught Yun off guard. He hadn’t had etiquette or manner drilled into him just yet, so he ended up stumbling back jnto Kelsang’s robes. The kindly airbender had helped him up and covered his ears with his warm hands, but even Kelsang’s iron will couldn’t stop the sound from penetrating deep into Yun’s body, shaking him with all its might.

It was like that, Yun thought. A sound so deep and loud and powerful that he could feel the vibrations from his skin to his bones. He didn’t know, exactly, what it was, if not a simple, pure release of energy. He couldn’t see past his own eyelids, or hear over the ringing in his ears and the beating of his heart.

Something had to have happened- an attack, a disaster. He must’ve been hit in the back of the head and was unconscious. It was the only option. He didn’t know what else could’ve occurred.

A hand hit him across the face, moving so fast he felt warm- or, he guessed, it was Rangi. Yun startled to attention only to find his suspicions confirmed and the firebender standing over him, a look of distaste and anger painted across her features. It took Yun longer to come to his other senses. Only after he realize the ringing in his ears had subsided did he notice he was laying across Kyoshi’s lap. He started to move out of it as quickly as he could, but was stopped by a strong arm.

“Don’t, you’ll hurt yourself even more.” Kyoshi said. Her words were so stilted and stern, they seemed like a threat. That, or they were a reprimation from a teacher to a student.

“Hurt myself- what do you mean?” Yun struggled out of Kyoshi’s grip and tried to reclaim his arm, but her grip around it was too tight. At this rate, she was going to draw blood.

Kyoshi opened her mouth, but hesitated to let anything out. She looked to Rangi for help.

“You broke your leg.” It was only after the firebender said the words then Yun realize their truth, suddenly becoming aware of the searing pain in his leg. It wasn’t the first time he had broken a bone, but that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

“I broke my- how?” Yun stammered, glancing to Kyoshi. “How the fuck did I break my leg?”

Kyoshi looked back at Rangi- she looked away from him, giving Yun just enough time to realize that they were still in the courthouse. The farmers and jurors alike had been cleared away, leaving only the Avatar’s party and… him. Broken and crippled on the floor.

Rangi’s voice came as a surprise when she finally answered his question. “You… don’t remember? You-“ She gestured around herself in lieu of actually describing what he had done, the actual words eluding her. “You-“

“You earthbent.” Kyoshi turned to look him in the eye. It had been a while since Yun had seen her eyes. The color hadn’t changed- the same soft, greenish-gray he remembered from both his dreams and memories. The were the same. It was just that everything else was different.

“It all happened so fast, we can’t be certain.” Kyoshi continued. She must’ve caught Yun’s gaze, because she quickly looked away. “From what I could tell, you encased your leg in stone from the floor and put pressure around it. I… why did you do that?”

“Being injured doesn’t get you out of your trial, you know.” Rangi scoffed. “You’re not buying yourself any time.”

“I…” Yun ran his hand through his hair. His forehead was slick with his own sweat. The courtroom was colder than it should’ve been. “I don’t remember any of that. I think I blacked out.”

Rangi leaned forward. “How do you not-“ she started, before being sent a silencing glance by Kyoshi.

The Avatar turned to him. “We know. But…” Despite the fact Yun had no idea what she was alluding to, Kyoshi left the rest of the sentence unsaid.

“I don’t know….” Yun muttered, then repeated himself. “I don’t know. What-“

“The trial’s been postponed until you’re more healed.” Kyoshi said, quick with an answer and even quicker to remove Yun’s hands from his face. “I can heal you myself, but I’m only an amateur and won’t be able to help you fully recover. We’re taking you to the village herbalist, so she can look at your leg and treat it.”

“Oh.” Yun breathed. He had to force the words through his pain. “You can heal?”

Kyoshi gave a simple answer- a reluctant nod- before turning back to his injury. It was a stupid question, and Yun knew it. She could waterbend. Of course she would know how to heal.

The Avatar’s hand hesitated over his injured leg. Yun could barely see his own injury from his skewed perspective, and the pain was so intense it overpowered all other feeling in his extremities. “Are you… in any pain?” Kyoshi asked.

“What do you think?” Yun scoffed. He didn’t want Kyoshi’s artificial compassion, especially when he knew her endgame plan. It only made the truth hurt more.

Kyoshi frowned, then put her arms underneath him. “I’m going to lift you up.” She warned, but her words couldn’t prepare Yun for the sensation of being lifted and carried. He hadn’t ever been carried by Kyoshi before. It would’ve been plead and almost calming, if it hadn’t been humiliating.

“Are you ready to go?” Kyoshi asked, adjusting the way he sat in her arms. Yun looked away from her scrutinizing gaze- she didn’t deserve to look at him now.

“Alright.” Kyoshi whispered, so softly that Yun could be sure he was the only one she was speaking to. “Let’s go.”

The outside was cooler then Yun had been expecting. He hadn’t been out since the evening of the day before, when their party had arrived in the mountain village of Makapu. Then, the skies had been clear and the air had been warm, a sign of the pleasantness of the summer to come.

It seemed that within the few hours Yun had spent rotting away in a courthouse, the winds had changed and tore a hole through the aly itself.

The rain didn’t stop Kyoshi. Yun wasn’t in any position to let it stop him.

Makapu seemed grayer in the cold, as if the rain and wind and slate-like skies were the one thing powerful enough to dull the town’s mockery of positivity and peace. The fog dulled the gold of the rooftops and the pigments of the flags alike, as if Yun was viewing the entire world through a pane of glass. The weather reminded him of Yokoya.

“It’s raining…” Kyoshi mused, blissfully unaware of how obvious her statement was. If Yun closed his eyes, he could almost imagine it as a memory of the past painted into a dream. They were back in Yokoya, during the monsoon that happened each spring. He had been ignoring his duties to play in the rain and mud with his friends, just like a child. He would get reprimanded by Jianzhu later, especially since he had injured himself, but for now, he could focus on the present. He had slipped and fallen and Kyoshi had offered to take him back to the healers. She held him close to her chest, so he could feel the beat of her heart- soft and rhythmic, a steady presence and reminder of life to assure him his own safety. If he pretended hard enough, nothing had happened. Nothing was wrong.

Kyoshi didn’t speak, because she couldn’t distinguish his tears from the rainwater.

a single oil lamp, only bright enough to partially illuminate the room

The herbalist’s was on the opposite side of town from the courthouse, secluded in a dense cover of trees and shrubs. Kyoshi explained that the vegetation had been grown to provide a stable income of healing herbs (a fact she cited from one of the many healing textbooks she had read in the temple’s library), but Yun didn’t care. He had read the vary book she describes front-to-cover back in their golden days, back when he still believed he had the power to accomplish the tasks described in the book.

The hut itself was small- only one floor high with a metallic roof and painted yellow walls. If Yun were to guess, he could assume the town’s entire medical center was comprised of only a few rooms, including the village herbalist’s living quarters. Even Yokoya had better infrastructure than Makapu. It made the entire valley look bad. If Yun had any compassion or want of connection for his hometown, he would’ve been ashamed of it’s sorry state. Then, it’s a good thing I hate this place.

A small bell by the wooden door rang when Kyoshi pushed it open- prying the door open with her foot to keep from dropping Yun. As she brought him into the dry interior space, Yun found himself at ease among the sun, yellowish light and the heavy scent of herbs. The place almost reminded him of the storerooms at the mansion in Yokoya- yet another common memory he shared with Kyoshi.

“Madame Lao!” Kyoshi called behind her as she set Yun down on a wooden bench, one lined with only minimal padding. When he leaned his head back, he was hit by the frond of a nearby ficus.

“I’ve brought the patient.” Kyoshi continued, explaining the dilemma to a short, plump, middle-aged woman who hurried into the room with a basket of pungent roots. “He broke his leg, but I don’t think there’s much more damage.””

“And you can heal, yes?” The woman, whom Yun could only assume was Lao, looked up at Kyoshi.

“Yes. I’m only accustomed to the basics, but I’ll do what I can.” Kyoshi nodded. Yun noticed- for the first time that morning, or at least since he had reawoken- that her headdress was gone. Kyoshi’s forehead was bare. She looked almost the same.

He had to shake his head to stop himself from getting lost in his own memories.

“Now, let’s get to work fixing the boy.” Lao cracked her knuckles before putting her hands over Yun’s leg to examine it. They were always calling him by some name nowadays- the accused, the patient, the boy. It was as if he didn’t have a name. No, it was as if they knew his name, but were too afraid to speak it, like he was a spirit they might summon. Like the spirit he defeated. The one he consumed.

“We need to remove his clothes.” Lao declared, and started to unravel Yun’s sock. After an awkward, potent glance shared between Kyoshi and Yun, the woman huffed. “Children, I swear. You might be Avatars and criminals, but at the end of it all you’re just immature children.” She turned to Kyoshi. “We need to expose his skin, for you to heal it. I’m no waterbender myself, but I know enough about the craft to guide you.”

“Alright.” Kyoshi nodded with the determination of a university student and assisted Lao in removing the layers of cloth covering Yun’s shin. He was grateful only of both women’s gentleness with his injury, certain that the treatment wouldn’t last.

Once his skin was bare, Lao turned to face him, but not before producing a dried root from her basket. “Chew on this.” She offered. “It will ease the pain.”

With nothing else to do, Yun took the root. The trusting motion felt strange, and wrong. He knew better than to accept random roots or plants from people he didn’t know. It was one lesson he knew by heart even before he met Jianzhu.

Lao nodded and looked over him as he chewed, her eyes stopping over his stained hand. “Do we need to treat that too?”

Yun shook his head and took the root out of his mouth. “Oh, no-“

“We’ve tried, we can’t.” Kyoshi finished. “It’s permanent. It doesn’t hurt though, right?”

Yun shook his head.

“Hmph. Alright. Less work for me.” Lao shrugged. She turned to Kyoshi. “You. Start healing- there’s a bowl of fresh spring water beneath the table- not that we need it with all this rain. I’ll be in the back of the shop making a salve for your boy.”

“Alright.” Kyoshi nodded. She watched Lao disappear into the back of the shop before turning down to pull the water from the bowl.

The water was clear and sparked in the dim light, and was cool when Kyoshi applied it to Yun’s leg. While it definitely wasn’t his first time being healed by a waterbender, it had certainly been a while since he had seen the fluid, rolling motions in person. And it had never been Kyoshi doing it to him.

“You use fluid motions, like you’re shaping clay.” Kyoshi explained, noticing his interest in her actions. She caught herself. “Well, I don’t mean you necessarily, I-“

“Don’t say that.” Yun sighed. He leaned backwards. “Everyone gets it. Wow, you’re the Avatar. You can bend whatever you want. Good for you.”

Kyoshi answered in silence. Even though Yun wasn’t looking at her face, he could almost picture it- the furrow of her heavy brow, the slight parting of her lips, the glint in her deep, endless eyes. He put his had over his eyes. “What do you want, Kyoshi?”

“What do-what do I want?” The Avatar sputtered. Despite her apparent surprise, she maintained the bubble of water suspended above his injured leg. “What do you want?”

“I’ve made it very clear what I want.” Yun frowned. He paused, if for nothing but emphasis. “I want justice. Or revenge, if that’s what you want to call it. I want to right the wrongs done upon me.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“I don’t know, because there’s more to life then bathing in the blood of your own brutally slaughtered enemies and burrowing yourself into your hatred for the world? I’m giving you a chance to move on, Yun, I-“

“A chance to move on?” Yun let out a laugh so loud, it might’ve shaken the walls. “What chance? You’ve given me nothing!”

“I’m giving you a choice to make.”

“You’re giving me an execution date. That’s what you’re giving me.”

“Execution? Who said anything about execution?!” The water under Kyoshi’s grasp grew warmer under her pressure.

“I killed a hundred people! They’re going to execute me!” Yun put his hand over his chest- no, his heart. “These people might not remember me, but they won’t be merciful to me. I’m heading to the gallows no matter what happens.”

“No. No.” Kyoshi shook her head. “It’s a fair trial. I won’t let them kill you, after I put in all the effort to keep you alive in the first place.”

“You said, and I quote, ‘I will respect whatever decision is made by the court’.”

“I was talking about prisons to send you to, not your life!”

“Your girlfriend wants me dead. She’s been very clear about it.” Yun didn’t want to say her name, it’s meaning fading to obscurity in the back of his mind. What Rangi said or did now had no real impact, anyways .

Kyoshi took in a breath. “It’s not Rangi’s decision to make.”

“Then who’s is it? Because you’re certainly not acting like it’s yours.”

“I’m- I’m just trying to make the right decision. I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t…. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” Despite the waver in her voice and the tremble in her hands, Kyoshi’s grasp over the water remained steady and strong.

“You know you can’t do that. You know it.”

“What?”

“You can’t prevent everyone from getting hurt.” Yun shrugged. “Either you spare me and risk me killing… I don’t know, a hundred more people, or you kill me and live with your own guilt, probably for lifetimes to come. Seeing as you’re the Avatar and everything.” He paused and leaned back, letting the leaves of the plants around him cover his view. “Quite the moral dilemma, eh?”

Kyoshi didn’t answer. Her hands froze.

“What do you want from this trial, Kyoshi?” He lowered his voice. “What- what were you planning to happen to me? You have to have something in mind. You can’t just-“ Yun cut himself off before he could say any more.

“I don’t- I can’t-“ Kyoshi’s hands moved slowly from Yun’s leg to her own cheeks, gently wiping away the tears running down her face. “I just want you to be safe and happy. Why-why can’t you move on? We’ve all moved on and you’re- you’re murdering Hei-Ran?! You aren’t a killer, Yun! I know you aren’t.”

“Move on? You want me to move on?” Yun shouted. His voice bounced off the stone walls of the apothecary. “How can I move on from that? From any of it? It’s in my eyes and veins and the very essence of my being! It’s painted across even the most mundane of my memories! It’s tattooed across my arm! I can’t- I can’t escape it!”

“But you’re not even willing to try.” Kyoshi begged. The water once under the Avatar’s control had fallen into its natural, liquid state and stated seeping into the fabric of the seat below Yun. “Look. You’re not the only one who was affected by what happened. All of us were. Rangi, Hei-Ran, myself- especially myself. There’s no one more afflicted by what happened than you and me. We need to work together, though, to move through it.”

“Oh, sure.” Yun scoffed. “Of course you can move on. You, who went home with the power and the glory and the Avatarhood. You, who is seen as the world’s savior. You, who won. You came out of this as the Avatar. I came out of it as a fraud.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what’s it like?”

When Kyoshi couldn’t give an answer, Yun took initiative and pulled himself off the wooden bed. Despite being an amateur, Kyoshi’s healing had worked, at least well enough to allow him to walk with only a slight limp. He could feel the Avatar’s gaze on his back as he slowly made his way through the shop. For whatever reason, she didn’t stop him.

Yun only looked back at Kyoshi when he reached the door, taking not of the fear painted across her features. She didn’t move, as if he had frozen her in time.

“I’m leaving.” Yun declared as his hand rest on the doorknob. Kyoshi didn’t answer but for giving him a wounded gaze, like spooked animal. He opened the door and walked into the storm outside. The bell chime near the entrance rang as he exited, but Yun couldn’t hear it once he shut the door behind him.

a ghost of a storm to come, brewing over the mountain’s ridge

The rain beat heavy on Yun’s shoulders and head, seeping through his hair and cooling his scalp. He was certain- almost sure- that if he were actually a firebender and things were how they were supposed to be, he would be warming the air around him to the point of evaporating the water. The one element in his grasp didn’t grant him the same, passive solace of letting his anger be known in the subtleties of temperature changes. If he wanted anyone to hear him, he would have to scream.

Yun’s leg still ached- Kyoshi’s healing had worked, but he hadn’t stayed long enough for her to finish the job. It didn’t matter, anyways. He was feeling well enough to run. That was all he needed.

The streets of Makapu were paved in rough cobblestone- it was one of the many things that had stayed the same since Yun had last visited his home. Crafted by long-ago earthbenders native to the village, Yun had once heard that the design had been chosen to prevent carts from moving when stationary. That, or whoever had made them had been a poor road maker. Either option was viable, and Yun had never cared to go more in-depth with his research than asking the old men outside the teashop. He didn’t care then, and he certainly didn’t care now.

What Yun did care about was where he was. At this point- in what he didn’t know or care- navigation was key to survival. And survival was key to everything. He didn’t want to die. He couldn’t die. Not like this, not here. Dying here and now would be letting the world win. It would be letting Kyoshi win.

Yun stopped. He had reached a wall- made a turn he hadn’t planned on making. In the absence of his thoughts he had gotten himself lost- he had gotten himself lost, in his own hometown. The place he had lived in for fourteen years, and had only left for three. Nothing could’ve changed such a brief time, at least not in such a backwater town as Makapu. And it hadn’t. The only thing that had changed was him.

That, and the wall before him had been earthbent into place. He realized all too late what that meant.

“Shit.” Yun muttered before turning to face his former friend.

“Yun- don’t move.” Drenched in the same rain as him, Kyoshi looked like she had been carved from stone in the low light. The Avatar held one of her war fans- outstretched and opened- to him, the other closed in her opposite hand. She was brandishing a weapon. At him. It wasn’t as if it hadn’t happened before, but-

“Stop.” Kyoshi demanded. She had to shout over the rain, and even then, her voice was barely decipherable. She glanced up, at the prison she had created, to measure how well it would hold him.

“I’m not doing anything.” Yun shouted back. He didn’t know why. He couldn’t figure out why. He wasn’t doing anything, he was standing around and shouting at the sky. Was there anything for him to do in the first place?

“You ran!” Kyoshi shouted. There might’ve been a hint of anger in the subtle inflictions of her voice. Or it could’ve been the rain. “You broke your word and you ran! You betrayed my trust!”

“I didn’t run.” Yun scoffed. He scoured his brain for the excuse he had given for his absence, only to realize he hadn’t given one at all. “I walked. My leg isn’t healed enough to run.”

“Yun.” Kyoshi sighed, her arm lowering as she exhaled, though she didn’t sheath her weapon. Her voice was tried and tired, portraying all her emotions in one single word.

“Thanks for that, by the way. Really a pal thing to do, to offer to fix my leg after every terrible thing you’ve done to me.” He deadpanned.

“Yun. Please.” Her voice grew deeper in tone and pitch.

“No, no, I mean it.” He absolutely didn’t. “You couldn’t fix my life or any of my problems so you fix my leg. An injury you helped cause, but none of us are perfect, y’know?”

“You broke your own leg! It’s- it’s not your fault, but it certainly isn’t mine!”

“Isn’t it, though? It really is all your fault when you think about it for long enough. You did this, Kyoshi. You did this to me. And you’re pretending you didn’t to make yourself feel better about it.”

She didn’t reply.

“Now, I don’t blame you for it.” He did. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he blamed her for everything. He was lying now, just like she said he didn’t. “You’re doing what you have to do, to make the world a better place. Because you’re the Avatar. It’s your job.”

“Yun.” Kyoshi finally spoke, but only uttered his name. “Yun. Stop.”

“What?” Yun studied Kyoshi’s face, straining to see her features in the dim light and rain. He glanced behind him, at the wall keeping him inside. He wasn’t doing anything. He hadn’t done anything this entire time. “No. No- I can’t.”

“Please.” Kyoshi put her hand over her temple, like a parent frustrated with a child’s poor behavior. That really was how she saw him. “Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

“Make what harder? Condoning- no, advocating for the death of your oldest, closest friend? Looking into my eyes when you kill me? Wow, I’m honored you value my life so much, to the degree where you’re having second thoughts about ending it.”

“You aren’t going to be executed, Yun.” What a lie. What a beautiful, glorious lie he was still expected to believe. “I don’t know what gave you that notion, but it’s not true. I don’t want you dead.”

“Then why bring me here? Why present me to the court with all the evidence of my crimes and the knowledge of where I would end up? I’m not stupid, Kyoshi, and I know you aren’t either. You know where I’m headed, and you’ve known all along. You’ve just been pretending otherwise.”

“I’m not pretending, I just haven’t made up my mind yet.” Kyoshi scoffed. “If the court decides to have you executed, I will overrule their decision. I think I can do that, since I’m… since I’m the Avatar. I won’t let you die.”

“Then what?” Yun walked toward Kyoshi- closer to her so that she could see his face. She didn’t move, either to him or away. She stayed where she was. “Then what are you going to do with me? Throw me in prison maybe? The catacombs under Laogai? Get the Earth King to deal with me because you’re too afraid to yourself?”

“No!” Kyoshi stepped backwards, but only moved a step. “No- I won’t.”

“Then what are you going to do with me?”

“I- I don’t know, ok? It’s a tough decision to make!”

“You know, you should really get used to making decisions about other people’s lives. It’s part of your duty as the Avatar.” He paused. “You know who said that? Jianzhu. And he said it to me.”

“How is that relevant? At all?” Kyoshi put her hand over her eyes, but only to wipe away the rainwater.

“I don’t know, because I have to live with his stupid advice racking my brain? It’s not even useful to me? When will I ever need to know the intricacies of connecting to past lives that aren’t my own? It’s so- it’s so stupid! Because after everything, it was you! And you were right there! And none of us knew! How did we not know?!”

“I know, Yun.” She sighed as she said the words. “Believe me, I know. I don’t know how or why things happened the way they did, but dwelling on the past isn’t doing us any good. We have to move forward.”

“Then why don’t you have a plan for what’s going to happen to me?” Yun begged. “Why don’t you know what’s going on? Why do you pretend that you do? I- why are you torturing me like this, please.”

“I’m just trying to make it easier, I thought that…” She didn’t finish the statement, but repeated its beginning. “I just thought that…”

She was lying. She was still lying. She had to be lying. The Avatar didn’t struggle with making decisions. The Avatar was strong, decisive and willful. The Avatar stuck to their principles, unfettered by silly things like compassion or past friendships. The Avatar made the decisions that were the best for everyone. That’s why it couldn’t have been him. That’s why Kyoshi had to be lying.

“Yun…”

“Why are you doing this to me, Kyoshi?” The words fell out of his mouth, unwillingly. “I thought… I thought we were friends. I know… I know you hate me, but-”

“I don’t hate you, Yun.” Another lie. All Kyoshi did was lie. “I want to help you. I just don’t want you to hurt anyone else. You have to understand that I can’t just let you go off into the world on a murder spree. I can’t have that blood on my hands, and I don’t want you to have it on yours.”

“I don’t want that!” Yun looked to his own hands, barely recognizing their own shape.

“You don’t? I thought…” She shook her head. “What do you want, then?”

“I want you to make up your mind! I want you to stop playing with my emotions! If you’re going to kill me, the least you could do is have the mercy to end me quickly! I- I wish you would’ve!”

Kyoshi outstretched her hand, and hovered it over his shoulder before putting it over his skin and pulling him forward into an embrace. Yun’s skin bristled as Kyoshi moved her warm, bare hand over it. He could almost hear her own rapid heartbeat in the small space they shared. It could’ve been his.

“Let’s go inside.” She whispered, her voice weak and as scared as his. “It’s miserable in this rain.”

a warm, woven blanket, made by a mother for her son

Kyoshi didn’t take him back to the apothecary, or even back to the courthouse. She didn’t take him by the hand or lift him like he was her lover, but guided him by putting her warm hand across his shoulder, firm and strong and supportive. She took him to the inn she, Rangi and Jinpa were staying in. She said it would be warm inside, and they could both recover from the rain in the semi-privacy. She was right; of course. Yun was just starting to realize how right Kyoshi always was.

The hotel’s receptionist- a young girl with curly dark hair and a face Yun was sure he had seen before- seemed surprised to see them. She watched them with disgust- or maybe fear, or even reverence in Kyoshi’s case- as the two of them took off their rain-soaked coats and shoes and put them by the door.

“Good evening, Fen.” Kyoshi greeted, digging in her pockets to produce a small coin, which she tipped the desk girl with. Fen, so that was her name. Yun didn’t know if he remembered it or not. There were too many schoolgirls in Makapu for him to have kept track of every one of them.

It didn’t really matter if he remembered Fen, though. Because it was clear as day that she remembered him. “Yun- you’re the-“ she glanced up at Kyosh. “You’re with the Avatar? I thought you died after… Y’know…. but….”

Kyoshi looked between the two. “You two know each other?”

“I am from here, you know.” Yun grumbled. “But yeah. Kind of. It’s Fen, right?”

“You stole my lunch for three years straight!” Fen scoffed and looked to Kyoshi, as if they were close friends instead of near strangers. ‘Can you believe this?’ The look said. ‘He really forgot everything about his homeland the minute he stepped into power’.

“Anyways,” Fen continued. “What brings you back to Makapu? You helping the Avatar with that murder trial?”

Kyoshi’s hand traveled to Yun’s back. Did she fear he would collapse back onto her? “Yun’s actually being tried.” She said.

Oh. Yun thought as he collapsed backwards into his friend's arms. So that’s why she was supporting him.

“Oh.” Fen’s voice deepened. “Well, the trial’s probably going to be postponed for a while, anyways. You guys probably made the right decision coming here. Should I get a fire started in your room?”

“No, I’ve got it. Thank you.” Kyoshi smiled. Of course. She was a firebender, after all. She led him out of the room. Yun fought the urge to melt in his arms, as if they were lovers.

---

The room Kyoshi was staying in was small and modest, at, and least on the surface level, looked nearly identical to the courthouse room Yun had spent the last night in. It was clean and tidy and smelled of lavender, all things Yun found himself associated with the Kyoshi he knew before. Did Kyoshi like lavender, he wondered. He hadn’t ever heard her speak on the matter.

There were two futons, both of material ten times better than that of the bedroll he had slept on, and a fireplace in the center of the room, to provide warmth.

“It gets pretty cold here in the winter.” Yun explained as Kyoshi led him to the futon farthest from the door and sat him on top of it. “That’s why there’s a fireplace. To warm the area.”

“Makes sense.” Kyoshi sat down opposite Yun, on the futon he guessed was hers. “I think we have something similar down in Yokoya. You know, our hometowns aren’t that different when you think about it.”

“Really?” Yun had actually never seen much of Yokoya port outside of his own mansion.

“Yeah. Small Earth Kingdom towns isolated from the rest of the world, there’s a bit of overlap there. I like it here better, though. The scenery is very pleasant.”

“Jianzhu thought that.” Yun mused. He didn’t know what he was saying, or even why. It just seemed like the right thing to say. “He liked how Makapu looked but he didn’t like the people.”

“I take it you don’t like the people, either?”

Yun paused.

“Hei-Ran… told me how you grew up.” Kyoshi spoke slowly. I’m… I’m also an orphan, though you probably already knew that. My parents were Daofei, they left me in Yokoya when I was only six.”

“Oh.” Yun looked down. He didn’t want to look Kyoshi in the eye when she was laying herself bare in front of him. What could he tell her in return? “I don’t know what happened to my parents. I’m pretty sure they died.” What a lie. “I’ve been alone since I was… five or six, I think. The people of Makapu… they kept me alive only as much as they had to. I learned how to survive on my own, without them. Without anyone.”

Kyoshi nodded, but didn’t say anything. She turned to the fireplace. Yun couldn’t bear to watch as she let the flame roll off her hand, controlling its flare with gentle motions of her hand. He had tried so hard to do what she did with so little effort. He didn’t need to watch the fire to feel its warmth, and despite everything, every instinct telling him not to relax, it was pleasant.

“Here.” Kyoshi said. Yun looked up to see his friend handing him a folded blanket. “You’re drenched, you must be freezing.”

“Thanks.” Yun whispered as he took the blanket and draped it across his shoulders. As he pulled the woven quilt over his shoulders, he realized the geometric pattern decorating the fabric was the same one imprinted into his memories. “I think my mother made this.”

“Oh?” Kyoshi asked.

“Yeah. She was the village weaver, she made blankets and cloaks and even jewelry for the entire town.” Yun felt his hand travelling up to his chest, searching for something he hadn’t realized was absent. “She- she made me this pendant, once. A protection amulet to ward off evil spirits.” A lot of good that had done him. “I used to wear it all the time, but I- I don’t know where it went. I must have lost it.” A final gift from a mother who had abandoned him, and he had lost it. What a terrible, misfortune son he was.

“I, uh, might know.” Kyoshi dug in the pockets before producing a small object- small enough that it was completely obscured by her hand until she showed it to him. It was his pendant. She had his pendant- the same woven pendant he had worn daily. He picked it up and ran his fingers against the textured pattern- the same pattern woven into the blanket across his shoulders. “This- this is it.” He whispered as he tied it behind his neck and let it fall to his chest. He didn’t bother tucking it into his shirt like he had when he was younger. “Where- how did you find it?”

“You were wearing it when- when we fought.” Kyoshi looked down. “I found it when I was healing you, when you were knocked out. No one had seen anything like it before. I was meaning to give it back to you, but there never was the time.”

There never was the time. Neither of them ever had any of the time. “Yeah… it’s a Makapu thing, I’m pretty sure. Some of the other villages have similar weaving traditions, but ours are pretty unique. My mother’s, especially. She would weave the same pattern into everything, to show the world it was her who made it.”

“She- she sounds like you.” Kyoshi whispered.

“Mmh. I lied about her, earlier. I don’t actually know if she died. She abandoned me and moved south. She could still be alive, for all I know.”

“That’s not a lie. You just didn’t tell the full truth.” Was there a difference, Yun thought. At least there was Kyoshi.

“It’s not the only thing I’ve been lying about.”

The room grew silent, save for the crack of the fire.

Kyoshi took a risk, and spoke first. “You really want me to kill you, don’t you.”

“Yeah- yeah.” Saying it outloud felt wrong. He wasn’t supposed to let her know this much. He wasn’t supposed to lay himself out, bare and empty. “I don’t know if it would have to be you, specifically. Maybe it would be better if it wasn’t you. I’m not sure.”

“Are you sure?” Kyoshi didn’t jump to stop him, or berate him with her own worry. “I- I don’t want to regret my decision.”

“I can’t regret if I’m dead, right?” He laughed. “That’s the point, isn’t it? To stop the pain of having to make decisions? To move on from everything and leave the world behind?”

“I’d still be alive. And… I think I’d regret it. You deserve to live, Yun. You deserve to be able to move on. I want you to move on.”

He didn’t reply.

“Do you want to move on?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I think you can.” Kyoshi sighed. “This is harder than I thought. It’s all harder than I thought.”

“Avatarhood?”

“You. I didn’t think it would be this hard. I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t think anyone knows.”

“I- when we fought, I thought I was going to kill you. I had made up my mind about it.” Kyoshi paused. “You wouldn’t have been my first kill, and you wouldn't have been my last. That’s what I kept telling myself, to make it seem ok.”

“And yet you didn’t go through with it.”

“I didn’t. Because I was scared.”

“Scared of what, me?” To say the fear was unjustified would’ve been a lie, but it would’ve hurt to admit that.

“Scared of what I would become if I did it. Scared of what that would mean about me. I don’t want to have to kill my friend just because…”

“Because I deserve it.”

“No. No. You deserve a chance to move on and grow.”

“You’d be willing to risk my wrath upon the world because we used to be friends?”

“I know. It doesn’t make any sense.” Kyoshi sighed. “But you- you haven’t been fulfilling your own promises. You said you’d kill Hei-Ran, and yet… you don’t even try.”

Yun looked down and idly ran his fingers over his pendant. “I’m tired, Kyoshi. I- I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“What were you planning on doing, if I had never interfered?”

“I didn’t have a plan. I was hoping you’d interfere.” Oh. He was really letting his guts spill in front of his friend now. “I wanted you to join me, so we would go down together in one last blaze of terrible glory, maybe. Or maybe I just wanted you to hate me like everyone else does.”

“Do you really want to die?” Kyoshi asked. She didn’t look him in the eye. “I need to know if that’s really what you want. If it is… then I’ll go through with it.”

“I’m not sure.” Yun pulled his knees to his chest. “I don’t know where else I can go. I don’t- I don’t want to just rot away in prison. I want to start over again.” He bit back his tears. “I don’t think I can be your friend anymore. I think me dying is the only real end to this story.” The fallen hero, broken and forlorn, met his untimely end after a life of tragedy, and it was a mercy upon him so that he wouldn’t have to live with his misery any longer.

“Maybe it doesn’t have to be.” Kyoshi sighed. “Maybe you don’t have to die to start over.”

Even though Yun didn’t know what his friend was saying, he nodded along. “Yeah. Maybe.”

a kite soaring high above the earth, untethered but for a single line and it makes you wonder, what i wouldn’t give to be that free

The storm didn’t last, of course. It wasn’t like the monsoon rains Yun had gotten used to down in Yokoya, the storms so heavy and thick they would last months on end, entire seasons lost to the ever-present, heavy rain. No, the storms in Makapu were shorter and tamer, at least by comparison. By the time the sun rose a week after Kyoshi officially made her decree at the trial, the skies were clear and blue.

Yun paced around the room of his new home, searching for something to do. He figured he didn’t have much left. The foundations had been raised, the finishing touches had been added, and at the end of everything, he had a house. It was of modest size- more than modest, if he was being truthful with himself- only consisting of two equally sized rooms- a front room and a back. There was a kitchen, and a bed, and an outhouse. There was enough space for him to walk around freely and shelves to hold what belongings he still had. It was as perfect as it could be when consisting of nothing but the bare essentials. He wouldn’t have chosen anything more. He hadn’t chosen anything more.

Three days ago- on the morning after his injury- Kyoshi, the great Avatar Kyoshi, had gathered up the town again to continue the trial, but only to make a single decree under the power of the Avatar. Yun was pardoned of all his crimes. The reality had been as shocking then as it still is now. He was pardoned for all his crimes. They were letting him go.

Not exactly, though, Kyoshi had explained upon being questioned by nearly everyone in the courthouse. She wasn’t simply letting Yun go out into the world to slaughter more innocents. He would be starting over and living as a simple farmer until the end of his days. Even though Kyoshi hadn’t said the words, Yun knew what she was doing. She was letting him disappear into the earth again.

Of course, Yun knew about all of this beforehand. While it had initially been the Avatar’s idea, he and Kyoshi had talked over the plan for hours before presenting it to the public. He knew what was coming. He completely agreed with it. He had even taken a blood oath to prove his own innocence. To his surprise, it was enough. It was all enough. The people of Makapu didn’t forgive him, but they believed him enough to let him walk free.

And Kyoshi had helped him build a home. It had taken a week and both their earthbending skill- ironic, given who the both of them were- but in time, he had his own home. A modest, isolated, two-room home fit not for a murderer or an Avatar, but a farmer.

“You good?” Rangi called out. Yun hadn’t even noticed her lingering in the frame of the front door- his front door.

“Yeah.” Yun sighed as he turned to his old friend. “Yeah, I’m pretty good. You?”

Rangi looked away from him- to the modest decoration of his home. “Yeah. I’m good too. This place is pretty nice. Good for a farmer.”

“It’s good to disappear in.” Yun approached Rangi and offered her what he was holding- a folded bundle of pale green cloth. “Do you want this?”

“Your… old clothes?” Rangi raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t have any use for them anymore.” Yun shrugged. “They’re too fine for a random commoner to have, and I am trying to disappear.”

Rangi took the tunic and inspected it. “Huh. I guess that makes sense…”

“Look, if you don’t want to keep it, you can just burn it or something. I don’t care. Preferably not here, though. I don’t want my house to smell like smoke.” He liked calling it his house. It was a reminder that he really was starting again.

“Alright.” Rangi tucked the clothes behind her arm and turned her gaze to the fields outside. “And you’re… ok with this?”

Yun nodded. “Yeah. I really think I am. Are you?”

After a moment of hesitation, Rangi nodded. “I think I am too. I think… I don’t think I ever actually wanted you dead. I didn’t want to mourn you all over again, but I also didn’t want to see you hurt anyone else, including yourself. I just want you to be safe, and happy, and a good person.”

“And?”

“And maybe this can help you be that. It’s not my choice to determine your fate, or Kyoshi’s. It’s your choice how you live your life and what type of life you’re going to live, at this point.”

“Yeah.” Yun nodded. “Unless I kill someone again. Then you’re gonna come and arrest me for real.”

“Yeah, but that’s not going to happen, because you’re a better person now.” Rangi glared at him with almost-mocking seriousness, before sighing. “I’m sorry about everything that happened to you, Yun. I wish I would’ve known earlier, so that none of this would’ve happened the way it did.”

“I think we all wish that.” Yun sighed and leaned up against the stone wall. What a shame that things happened the way they did, that Avatar Kuruk died young and Jianzhu jumped to conclusions and two separate couples abandoned their children on opposite sides of the Earth Kingdom. “What a shame.”

“Yeah... “ Rangi sighed, and straightened her posture. Yun followed her movement. “Well, I came over to tell you that Kyoshi’s in the fields. I think she wanted to say one final goodbye to you before we left back to Yokoya.”

“Alright.” Yun nodded. “I’ll go talk to her.”

Before he could make it fully out the door, Yun was embraced by Rangi. It was the first time in all his memory that she had actually hugged him.

“Thanks.” He whispered as soon as he and Rangi had parted. “For forgiving me.”

“No, you don’t need to thank me.” Tears formed in the corners of Rangi’s eyes, but she didn’t wipe them away. “I think- I think I should be apologizing to you, if anything.”

“Please, don’t.” Yun kept eye contact with Rangi as he walked out of his house. “In the most respectful way, I don’t want your apology. That’s the point of moving on, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Rangi said, stopping to pat Yun on the shoulder. “You should go talk to Kyoshi, though. We’re leaving soon.”

 

Kyoshi was in the fields, just like Rangi said she would be. She was sitting on the hills, flying a kite. The small, orange glider soared high above the grass fields and the town in the distance, like the figure of a mythical bird.

Yun took a seat next to Kyoshi. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Kyoshi replied. She didn’t take her eyes off the sky. “Did Rangi help you set up your furniture?”

“She was just too late, actually.” Yun laughed. “But we talked. It was nice to talk.”

“That’s good.” Kyoshi replied. “I figured you wouldn’t want my help, and it’s a nice day, so Jinpa suggested we fly kites.”

“Oh. Where’s Jinpa now?”

“He’s getting Yingyong ready to fly back to Yokoya. We’re leaving soon.”

“So I’ve heard. At least you can stay for a bit longer, right?”

“Yeah. We can talk for a bit.” Kyoshi nodded. She looked up. “Y’know, kites remind me of Kelsang, still.”

“Kelsang…” Yun whispered, memories of the kind airbender coming back to him. “Whatever happened to him, by the way?”

“Oh, he died.” Kyoshi’s voice lowered. “Only a while after the spirit took you, he was killed by Jianzhu.”

“Oh.” The pain of the revelation stung more than Yun was expecting. “At least that offers more justification for Jianzhu’s death. Not that I needed it, but…”

“Yeah.” Kyoshi replied. She didn’t say anything more.

“So… here we are. After everything. This is where we end up.”

“Are you happy with it?”

“I think I’m just happy to not be headed to Lake Laogai.” Yun shrugged. “And to never see your face again. No offense.”

“None taken.” Kyoshi sighed, and leaned back on her wrists. The motion caused the kite to lower. “I think it probably is for the best, the way things turned out. I wish things could’ve been better in the past, but we can’t change that.”

“The only thing we can change is the present.” Yun said. He was pretty sure he was misquoting some old airbending guru, but he didn’t care. “And to change the present for the better, maybe we have to drift apart. I don’t think it’s healthy for either of us to stick around each other any longer. You’re the Avatar and I’m-”

“You’re Yun.” Kyoshi cut him off before he even knew what he was going to say. “You’re not the Avatar, and now, you aren’t much else. That’s what moving on means, right?”

“Right.” Yun nodded. “From this moment onward, I’m no longer defined by my past.” The statement seemed almost like a performance. Faced with the pure emptiness of his words, Yun collapsed backwards to look at the sky, fully and completely.

“Are you ready?” Kyoshi followed his movement but kept ahold of her kite.

“I don’t really know what I’m getting ready for.” Yun sighed. He lifted his tattooed arm above him, to block out the sunlight. “Maybe.”

“If we pretend hard enough, maybe we can go back.” Kyoshi sighed. “Even for a moment. Maybe we can get lost in our shared memory, together. That would be nice.”

“It would be a lie.” Yun sighed. He closed his eyes. “We can’t ever really go back.”

“Given the choice, would you?”

“Would I what?”

“Would you go back? Back to when we thought you were the one. The good old days?”

Yun paused to think. “You know, I don’t know if I would. I don’t think I would want to live in that lie again, only to have it inevitably destroy everything. I already had to live through it once, I don’t want to feel that again.”

“That makes sense.” Kyoshi said. “I don’t think I would go back, either. It’s probably a good thing. Living only in memories can do terrible things to a person.”

“Mhm.” Yun nodded and sat up. The wind brushed through his hair- still loose. He hadn’t tied it since he and Kyoshi had fought. In some way, it would’ve felt wrong to.

“If it couldn’t have been me, I would’ve wanted it to be you.” Kyoshi said as she, too, sat up. She didn’t need to specify what ‘it’ meant.

Yun couldn’t think of any answer adequate for Kyoshi’s statement, so he asked a question. “Do you think you’ll regret keeping me alive?”

“Hm. Maybe.” Kyoshi hummed to herself. “Maybe not. We can’t predict the future as much as we can’t change the past.”

“All we have is the present moment.” Yun completed the quote for Kyoshi. It was one of Kelsang’s favorite airbender proverbs, one Yun had never been able to find the source of. “I think I still miss it. I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

“I think I would be lying if I didn’t say the same. It was beautiful, at least for a time.”

“It was. It was a beautiful lie.” Yun said. His gaze travelled to Kyoshi’s kite, a stark contrast against the clear blue sky. “I think I prefer the truth, anyways.”