MASKTOURN

Trying to put thoughts of Roman out of their mind, Raikal walked the open fields, and searched for their son. “Rukime!” They called out, using in full voice the name they could only ever use in the privacy of a whisper. The name she had given him. “Rukime!” Her son was on his own now- watching the contestants make their way home one by one- but in only a second, he heard their voice. He looked up to meet her gaze. “Abba!” He cried out- and in a rush of childlike, urgent motion, he ran to them. He spared no moment waiting- not a second til he wrapped his arms around them, clinging to them like he had when he was a boy. He was so much taller now, though, than when he had been fourteen. He was taller than Raikal now, and she had to reach up to cradle his head in her hand. “Abba... Abba, it’s you...” His voice was soft now. So gentle, so like him. So like what she remembered. He was crying- she could tell by the way his body shook in her embrace, though she couldn’t see his face by the way they were holding each other. She wrapped her wings around her little boy- for even as the grown man he was now, he would always be her son. “Shh... shh...” She soothed him softly, rubbing his back in soft circles. “It’s alright, my dear Rukime. I’m here now. I’m here.” “I- I thought I would never see you again-” Rukime choked, holding onto Raikal tighter. “If I had known- I should’ve realized it would’ve kept-” “Shh.” Raikal hushed him. “Let’s not speak of such... unpleasant things. It doesn’t matter. They’re gone, and we’re free. We’re both free.” They stepped back to look at him. “Oh... you look so much like your mother...” Anore pressed his cheek into Raikal’s palm. “I... I tried to avenge you and Mother. I... don’t know if I did well. If... if I honored you as well as I could’ve. I’m sorry if... I let you down by following in its footsteps.” “Oh, Rukime...” Raikal traced his cheekbone. He was so much older now- there was so much of his life they had no picture of. He had grown up- into a man they could still recognize as the baby they had cried over the first time they held him. Her son. “You are a good man. I can see it in your eyes, in your smile, in the way you go about your life. You could never let me down by being who you are, and who you are is a good person. It makes me proud, to see who you’ve become. You’ve honored me well.” Tears welled in Rukime’s eyes, and he fell again into the embrace, burying his face into Raikal’s shoulders. “I tried so hard.” He clung to her, “I missed you so much. I- I tried so hard, to be someone you and Mama would be proud of. I missed you.” Raikal let her son cling onto her again- but this time, did not shush his cries. They let their own tears come, unbidden. They swayed as they held him, like they did when he was a fussy toddler or an easily-upset child. “I am so proud of you, Rukime. I missed you too. I- I wish I could’ve been there for you, when you needed me. I wish we hadn’t had to part so soon. There are a million things I wish could’ve happened- but I’m so glad for the time we were able to have together- however fleeting it was- and I’m so happy I have you back.” They eased him down into the grass, and let him rest his head in their lap. They stroked his face and wiped away his tears. “I could mourn Mama...” Rukime said quietly, “... In public, I mean. I could go to Mama’s funeral... and the other courtesans took care of me...”

7:18 PM

Raikal let Rukime speak, still holding him. “... but, Abba, I couldn’t mourn for you. Even- even after Naiyta learned the truth... it would not let me treat you like my parent. It would not let me have a funeral for you... not even a private one.” Raikal closed their eyes to blink away the tears. They couldn’t help but imagine their son- not as he was now, but as he was when they left him- a gangly boy of fourteen with a mind too big for his body and a heart too big for the world he was born into. The son they loved more than anything else they could’ve ever imagined- but whom they could never love publicly. For his own safety, they had to keep their love for him hidden away, saved only for the safety of private moments. Moments that were so fleeting, so hard to come by as he had grown up. “Oh, Rukime...” They did not say he did not have to give them a funeral- because it was clear he did- it had been important for him, important enough he’d carried the loss into his adult life. “You still honored me. And you have no more reason to mourn me, now that we’re together again. I love you, my dear Rukime.” Anore let out a heavy sigh, as if he had been waiting a very long time to hear those words again. “... I know you and Mama did not intend to have me, that- that I compromised both of your safety in so many ways, that-” His voice hitched, “That my existence got you both killed-” “Rukime,” Raikal cut him off, “The moment I first held you in my arms, was the happiest moment in my life. Even if it wasn’t planned, you are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my son.” They leaned down to kiss his cheek. “And there is nothing that would ever keep me from loving you. I’m so, so sorry I could not give you the life you deserve. I know I cannot make up for it now, but... I’m so glad I have you back.” They were silent together for a very long while, but it was a good silence. They did not need words- they simply had each other, again. Rukime broke that silence hesitantly. “Mama-” “I don’t know where she is. I don’t know what Naiyta did with her.” Raikal confessed, hoping it wouldn’t hurt their son too much. “I’m sorry-” “No-” Rukime sat up, “I know where she is. She’s in the fold.” He looked to the water, to Eternity, “We could... we could see her again?” To be with Odalia again, to have their small family whole again- it made Raikal’s heart ache that they weren’t there yet. “I think... I would like that very much.”